What is the right way to involve tech-savvy children in family decisions about apps, devices, or online tools? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children are more tech-savvy than their parents, involving them in family decisions about new apps or devices can be a powerful way to empower them and teach responsibility. However, it is essential that this inclusion does not blur the lines of authority. The goal is to find a healthy balance, giving your child a voice while maintaining clear parental leadership that is rooted in your family’s core values and commitment to safety. 

Invite Their Input With Respect 

You can invite their input by saying: ‘You know a lot about this new app. Could you tell me what you think its benefits and risks are?’ This simple question shows that their knowledge is valued and is an excellent way of building trust and mutual respect. 

Frame Participation as a Responsibility 

Make it clear that being included in the decision-making process also comes with a share of the responsibility. You could say: ‘If you are going to recommend this app for our family, you must also help us to make sure it is used wisely and that everyone is protected from harm.’ This shifts their role from being a simple consumer to being a responsible decision-maker. 

Balance Technical Knowledge With Moral Guidance 

While your child may understand the technical features of a platform, you as a parent provide the moral compass. You can clarify this by saying: ‘You understand how the tool works, and together, we will decide if it fits our family’s values and routines.’ This ensures that the final decision is grounded in timeless principles, not just in technology. 

Keep Your Final Authority Clear 

While it is beneficial to involve your children in these discussions, it is also important to gently remind them that as parents, you will make the final decision. This prevents them from assuming that their technical skill replaces the wisdom and judgment that comes with adult experience and responsibility. 

By respectfully including your children in discussions while reinforcing your own boundaries, you can model collaborative decision-making and help to raise responsible and thoughtful digital citizens. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that the practice of consultation (shura) is a source of great blessing and wisdom, but it also clarifies that the final responsibility for a decision rests with those who have been entrusted with leadership. Parents can draw upon this beautiful principle when involving their children in family discussions. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verses 38: 

‘And those people that respond to (the commandments of) their Sustainer, and establish prayer, and conduct their affairs between each other through consultation, and spend (generously) from the sustenance We have provided them.‘ 

This verse highlights that consulting others is a characteristic of a healthy and balanced community, including the community of a family. It is a practice that brings wisdom and unity. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 2928, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every one of you is a shepherd and every one of you will be asked about his flock. A ruler is a shepherd over his people, a man is a shepherd over his family and each of you is a shepherd and each of you will be asked about his flock.’ 

This teaching reminds us that while a child’s voice and opinion should be valued, the parents are the ones who hold the amanah (sacred trust) of leadership and will be held accountable for the final decisions that affect the family’s well-being. 

By rooting family tech decisions in the principle of shura while maintaining clear parental authority, families can create a healthy and respectful balance. Children feel heard and involved, but the home remains guided by the wisdom, values, and accountability that parents hold before Allah Almighty.