What is the healthiest way to handle backtalk like ‘you do not even know how this works’ without losing authority? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child responds with backtalk like, ‘You do not even know how this works,’ it can feel deeply disrespectful and can seem to undermine a parent’s authority. However, reacting with harshness is likely to escalate the conflict and shut down any chance of communication. The most effective approach is to maintain a calm sense of authority while using the moment to teach that respect and dialogue must always go together. 

Stay Composed and Do Not Get Pulled Into an Argument 

This kind of backtalk often comes from a place of frustration, not genuine rebellion. Instead of snapping back, take a moment to pause and then respond calmly: ‘You are right, I may not know everything about this, but that does not make it okay to speak to me disrespectfully.’ This demonstrates authority without aggression. 

Address the Tone Separately From the Issue 

Acknowledge the content of their frustration, perhaps about a particular app or device, but make it clear that their tone is the primary issue that needs to be corrected. You could say: ‘You are welcome to explain it to me, but you must do so kindly. When you speak respectfully, it makes it much easier for me to listen and understand you.’ This teaches them that tone matters. 

Turn It Into a Teachable Moment 

Once the issue of respect has been addressed, you can invite them to share their knowledge with you: ‘Why do you not show me how it works?’ This simple invitation can reframe their pride into an opportunity for responsibility, turning a moment of condescension into one of connection and reinforcing that respect must always be the foundation of your conversations. 

Reaffirm Boundaries and Respect 

At a later, calmer time, you can reinforce the underlying principle. You could say: ‘Even in moments when you know more than I do about technology, respect comes first. That is the only way we can continue to learn from each other.’ This protects your parental authority without shutting down future dialogue. 

By combining firmness with openness, parents can correct backtalk while simultaneously modelling emotional control, turning a potential moment of disrespect into an opportunity for growth. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places an immense and non-negotiable importance on respectful speech, especially when a child is addressing their parents, regardless of any differences in knowledge. Authority within the family is protected not through domination, but through the practice of adab (good manners) and mutual respect. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 23: 

‘And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably; whether one of them or both of them reach old age in your lifetime; then do not say to either of them ‘Uff’ (an expression of disrespectful frustration) and do not admonish them; and talk to them with kind words.’ 

This powerful verse reminds us that even the smallest expression of irritation towards one’s parents is discouraged in the sight of Allah, and that noble and kind speech is a command. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1919, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young ones and respect to our elders.’ 

This teaching establishes that mutual respect between generations is not optional, but is in fact a defining characteristic of a believer’s character. 

By rooting their family interactions in these core values, parents can maintain their authority with dignity and grace. Over time, children learn that true knowledge is demonstrated not through arrogance or mockery, but by combining confidence with humility and profound respect for others.