How can parents give teens leadership roles in family projects so they feel ownership instead of boredom? 

Parenting Perspective 

Teenagers often disengage from family activities because they feel like followers, not contributors. To ignite their enthusiasm, the key is to shift their role from helper to leader, appealing to their growing need for respect and responsibility.

 

Shift from ‘Helper’ to ‘Leader’ 

Instead of asking a teen to simply assist, frame the request as an invitation to take charge. You can say, ‘We have a family project coming up, and we would be honoured if you would lead it. We really need your skills to make it a success’. This simple change in language communicates trust and value, immediately increasing their buy-in. 

Hand Over Real Responsibility 

For a leadership role to feel genuine, it must come with real responsibility. Do not just assign token tasks. If the project is planning a family picnic, make them the official event planner, giving them control over the budget, menu, and activities. This sense of ownership is what transforms a chore into a passion project. 

Act as a Guide, Not a Manager 

Once you have delegated the role, step back. Be available for advice and support, but resist the urge to micromanage or criticise their methods. Let them problem-solve and even make small, recoverable mistakes. This demonstrates that you trust their judgment, which is a powerful way to build their confidence and skills. 

Celebrate Their Leadership and Impact 

When the project is complete, give them sincere and specific praise, ideally in front of the rest of the family. Highlighting their successful leadership and its positive impact reinforces their sense of accomplishment and makes them far more likely to take initiative again in the future. 

By giving teenagers meaningful control and respecting their capabilities, family projects can become powerful opportunities for them to develop pride, purpose, and a deeper connection to the family. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that taking initiative to do good is an act of worship and that being of service to one’s family is a mark of an excellent character. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 105: 

‘ And say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “Act (as you choose), as Allah (Almighty), and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ), and the believers are observing your deeds…”.’ 

This verse is a beautiful motivation for a teenager. It reminds them that when they take on a responsibility within their family with a good intention, their effort is seen and valued not just by their parents, but by Allah Himself. This is the highest and most meaningful form of recognition. 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that our value is measured by how much we benefit others. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, 278, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of people are those who are most beneficial to others.‘ 

This hadith frames leadership within the family not as a burden, but as a path to becoming one of the “best of people.” By taking on a project that helps the family, a teenager is directly embodying this prophetic ideal and developing the character of a person who is of benefit to those around them.