How to Teach That Mercy Is Part of Justice 

Parenting Perspective 

A Two-Step Process: Accountability and Repair 

You are right to care about both justice and mercy. Children need to learn that saying sorry matters, and they also need to learn how to accept an apology without feeling that their hurt has been dismissed. Think of it as a two-step process: accountability and repair. 

Guide a Meaningful Apology 

Begin by slowing everything down. A quick apology often feels empty, so guide the apologising child to use three parts: ‘I am sorry for…,’ ‘It affected you when…,’ and ‘Next time I will….’ Encourage a specific act of repair that fits the situation, such as re-building a knocked tower or sharing a favourite item for a set time. This shows justice through responsibility. 

Protect the Hurt Child’s Dignity 

Then protect the hurt child’s dignity. You can say, ‘You do not have to feel better straight away. You can accept the apology now and we will give your feelings time to settle.’ Offer a small choice, such as a five-minute breather or sitting near you. This makes forgiveness feel safe rather than forced. 

Forgiveness and Consequences Can Coexist 

Teach that forgiveness and consequences can coexist. If a rule was broken, the consequence still stands, even after an apology, because justice includes learning. At the same time, forgiveness means choosing not to mock, bring it up to shame, or seek payback. A simple family line helps: ‘In our home, we repair the harm and then we do not reuse it as a weapon.’ 

Model the Behaviour and Use a Reset Ritual 

Model the behaviour you want. When you misstep, apologise clearly to your child and show how you accept forgiveness with gratitude. Praise both roles equally: ‘I am proud you owned your mistake,’ and ‘I am proud you chose to forgive.’ End conflicts with a reset ritual, such as a short duʿa together or a gentle check-in later that day, to reinforce that the relationship matters more than the dispute. Over time, these practices teach your children that real fairness holds people to account and then makes room for hearts to heal. 

Spiritual Insight 

Justice and Mercy Are Partners 

Islamically, justice and mercy are partners, not rivals. Allah ties them together and invites us to practise both. 

Whoever Offers Amnesty and Reconciliation 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Ash-Shura (42), Verse 40: 

‘And the outcome (of defending) against an evil, (could be the formation) of an evil similar to it; so therefore, whoever offers amnesty and reconciliation, then his reward shall be with Allah (Almighty); indeed, He (Allah Almighty) does not like the transgressors.’ 

This teaches that while measured accountability is permitted, choosing to forgive and repair earns a special reward, raising the family above simple payback. 

He Who Does Not Show Mercy Will Not Be Shown Mercy 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al-Mufrad, Book 19, Hadith 10, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not show mercy to people will not be shown mercy by Allah.’ 

Applied at home, this means we uphold rules, so children learn right and wrong, and we also nurture forgiving hearts, so siblings do not stay stuck in hurt. 

By guiding apologies to be sincere, protecting dignity when forgiving is hard, and closing each conflict with repair, you reflect the balance of justice and mercy that Islam calls us to. Your children will learn that being fair includes accountability and that being merciful keeps the family whole.