How to Protect Your Unity When Family Gives Different Advice 

Parenting Perspective 

Children Need to See Their Parents as a Team 

This is a very real challenge many parents face, especially when family elders or relatives hold strong opinions about how children should be raised. Their advice often comes from love and experience, but when you and your spouse are not aligned, it can create confusion for both you and your children. The key here is unity. Children need to see their parents as a team, even if differences of opinion exist behind the scenes. 

Agree on a Shared Set of Core Principles 

You and your spouse can begin by agreeing on a shared set of core principles. Decide together which values and practices are non-negotiable in your home. Once these are clear, advice from extended family can be received with respect but filtered through those shared principles. You can listen politely to relatives, thank them for their concern, and then privately decide with your spouse how much of it fits into your family’s approach. This reduces the feeling of competition between family influences. 

Discuss External Advice Privately 

It is also important to have private conversations with your spouse about how external advice affects you both. If one of you feels pressured by cultural expectations, acknowledge those feelings without dismissing them. Then redirect the focus to what works best for your children and your home. When children see parents calmly united, even if relatives offer different instructions, they learn security and consistency. 

Spiritual Insight 

Guidance Is Ultimately from Allah 

Islam reminds us that guidance is ultimately from Allah, and our responsibility is to lead our families with wisdom, balance, and fairness. Cultural traditions can hold value, but they should never outweigh unity and justice within the home. 

Parents Are Accountable to Allah First 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah At-Tahrim (66), Verse 6: 

‘O you who are believers, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire (of Jahannam) whose fuel is people and stones…’  

This verse highlights that parents are first accountable to Allah for the environment they create in their homes, not to cultural pressures. Your joint responsibility is to guard your children’s upbringing in a way that nurtures their faith and character. 

Both Parents Are Entrusted with Shared Accountability 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Book 33, Hadith 24, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock.’  

This hadith makes clear that both parents are entrusted with shared accountability. Acting together, with clarity and mutual respect, ensures that children are not left confused by competing voices. 

By filtering cultural advice through the lens of what aligns with your shared values and Islamic principles, you and your spouse can stay united. This unity itself becomes a powerful example for your children, teaching them that harmony and cooperation within the family are more valuable than pleasing every outside opinion.