How to Explain Shared Responsibility When They Say ‘It’s Not Fair’ 

Parenting Perspective 

Helping Is About Belonging 

When a child compares their responsibilities to those of friends, what they are really expressing is a need to understand ‘why me?’ rather than simply rejecting the task. As a parent, this is an opportunity to show her that helping at home is not just about chores, but about belonging, contribution, and family values. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings First 

Start by acknowledging her feelings instead of dismissing them. You might say, ‘I understand it feels unfair when it seems like your friends do not have to help.’ This validates her emotions and makes her more open to hearing your perspective. Then explain that every family has its own way of doing things, and in your family, helping each other is part of showing love and care. 

Frame Tasks as Acts of Kindness 

Children respond better when they see their role as meaningful. Instead of framing tasks as duties only, highlight the impact of her contribution: ‘When you help set the table, it makes dinner easier for everyone and shows respect for the effort that goes into cooking.’ Small connections like this shift the narrative from chores being burdens to them being acts of kindness and responsibility. 

Model Teamwork 

You can also model the same behaviour by involving the whole family. If she sees parents and siblings sharing tasks, she will be less likely to feel singled out. By consistently linking chores to family harmony and appreciation, you help her see that shared responsibility is not punishment, but a way to build a loving and cooperative home. 

Spiritual Insight 

Responsibility Is an Act of Worship 

In Islam, responsibility and service are acts of worship when done with the right intention. By framing household help in this light, you can help your daughter see her chores as a path to reward, not just an obligation. 

No Act of Goodness Is Too Small 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Az-Zalzalah (99), Verses 7–8: 

‘Thus, everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is good shall be observed by them (on the Day of judgement). And everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is wicked shall be observed by them (on the Day of judgement).’ 

This Verse teaches that no act of goodness is too small to count with Allah. Even something as simple as tidying up or helping a parent is recorded and valued. It shows your daughter that her efforts at home are noticed not only by family, but by Allah Himself. 

Consistent Acts Are Beloved to Allah 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 783, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of deeds to Allah are those that are most consistent, even if small.’  

This Hadith reinforces the idea that daily acts of responsibility, carried out sincerely, are beloved to Allah. Teaching your daughter that her chores can be acts of worship will help her connect responsibility with spiritual growth. 

By guiding her with both empathy and the wisdom of Islam, you help her see that shared responsibility is not just about fairness at home, but about living with purpose, kindness, and accountability before Allah.