How to Nurture Faith Without It Becoming a Comparison 

Parenting Perspective 

Every Child Has Their Own Journey With Allah 

When one child seems naturally drawn to spirituality while the other feels left behind, it can unintentionally create a sense of competition in something as sacred as faith. This is a heavy burden for a child to carry, especially when they feel their relationship with Allah is being measured against their sibling’s. Your role as a parent is to gently remove the idea of comparison and replace it with the truth that every child has their own unique journey with Allah. 

Affirm Their Sincere Efforts 

Begin by affirming to the less reflective child that faith is not about being ‘as good’ as someone else, but about sincerely trying in their own way. Highlight their strengths in areas that also please Allah, such as kindness, honesty, or patience, so they see that spirituality is not limited to outward expressions of worship. At the same time, continue nurturing the more reflective child, but without presenting them as a standard the other must live up to. 

Create Moments of Private Encouragement 

You can create moments of private encouragement where you speak to each child individually, recognising their efforts without bringing their sibling into the conversation. This helps them feel valued for who they are, not for how they compare. For example, instead of saying, ‘Look how your brother prays with focus,’ you could say to the other child, ‘I noticed you helped your sister today, and that was beautiful in Allah’s sight.’ 

Focus on Remembering Allah Together 

Making faith part of family life in simple, shared ways can also reduce the sense of hierarchy. Recite a short dua together, discuss a story from the seerah, or share one thing you are grateful for at the dinner table. This shifts the focus from ‘who is more spiritual’ to ‘how can we all remember Allah together.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Values Every Sincere Effort 

Islam teaches us that Allah values each believer’s effort, not a comparison between people. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Imran (3), Verse 195: 

‘Then their Sustainer responded to them, (saying): “Indeed, I shall not let the actions of any labourer amongst you go to waste, whether they are male or female, as some of you are from others (i.e. from the same human race)…’  

This Verse reminds us that Allah sees and rewards every sincere effort, no matter how different the forms of effort may be. A child who prays with deep concentration and a child who shows patience when upset are both noticed by Allah in their own unique ways. 

Focus on Steady, Sincere Effort 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 6464, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The deeds most loved by Allah are those that are done regularly, even if they are few.’  

This Hadith shifts the focus away from dramatic displays of spirituality to steady, sincere effort. Teaching children this perspective helps them understand that what matters is not being the ‘best’ compared to others, but being consistent and sincere before Allah. 

Through emphasising effort, sincerity, and the many forms of pleasing Allah, you help both children feel equally valued in their spiritual growth. This protects their hearts from rivalry and nurtures a sense of individual connection to Allah that grows with love rather than comparison.