How to Teach Respectful Speech at Home 

Parenting Perspective 

Kindness at Home Is Just as Important 

It is very common for children to use a harsher tone with siblings than with friends, because home feels like a ‘safe zone’ where frustrations spill out more easily. However, this does not mean that disrespect should be excused. As a parent, you can guide them towards understanding that kindness at home is just as important as kindness outside. 

Name the Behaviour Clearly but Calmly 

Start by naming the behaviour clearly but calmly. Instead of saying, ‘Do not be rude,’ try, ‘I hear your words are sharp, and that hurts your brother. Can you say it in a kinder way?’ This helps children notice their tone and gives them a chance to repair it immediately. 

Consistency Is Key 

Consistency is key. If you correct one harsh exchange but ignore another, children get mixed signals. Setting a family expectation such as, ‘In our home, we use respectful voices with each other,’ and repeating it often helps build a standard that everyone recognises. Reinforce it with positive attention when they succeed: ‘I noticed you asked your sister gently this time. That made her smile.’ This shows them the impact of their words. 

Explain the Difference Between Honesty and Harshness 

It is also helpful to explain the difference between honesty and harshness. Children often believe they are ‘just saying the truth.’ Teach them that truth is important, but how we deliver it matters. Giving them alternative phrases to use builds their skill, for example, ‘Can you please wait?’ instead of ‘Stop it!’ Over time, with repetition and practice, this shapes habits that last. 

Model Respectful Speech Yourself 

Finally, model it yourself. Children learn tone more from what they hear than what they are told. When they see you correcting them or your spouse with patience and gentleness, they understand that respectful speech is not just a rule for them, but a family value. 

Spiritual Insight 

Gentle Speech Is Commanded 

Respectful speech is a central teaching in Islam, especially within families. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Israa (17), Verses 23–24: 

‘And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably; whether one of them or both of them reach old age in your lifetime; then do not say to either of them ‘Uff’ (an expression of disrespectful frustration) and do not admonish them; and talk to them with kind words. And spread over them (your) auspices with humility and mercy; (and plead for them and) say: “O my Sustainer, have mercy (and forgiveness) on both of them, because they have nurtured me when I was a child”’.  

Although this guidance speaks of parents, the principle applies to all family ties: disrespectful words are forbidden, and noble, gentle speech is commanded. 

Safeguarding Others From Hurtful Words 

It is recorded in Jami al-Tirmidhi, Book 40, Hadith 22, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hands people are safe.’  

This Hadith reminds us that safeguarding other people from hurtful words is part of faith. Teaching this to children helps them see that speaking kindly to siblings is not just good manners, but an act of worship. 

By setting clear expectations, modelling gentleness, and grounding respectful speech in the values of Islam, you give your children a framework where kindness at home becomes natural, consistent, and spiritually meaningful.