How to Encourage Kids Who Compare Themselves to Siblings 

Parenting Perspective 

Shift Focus From Comparison to Individual Growth 

It is common for younger children to measure themselves against an older sibling who has had more time and opportunity to develop skills or reach milestones. What feels like admiration can quickly turn into discouragement if they believe they will never be as capable. As a parent, your role is to shift their focus from comparison to individual growth. 

Highlight the Process Over the Outcome 

Begin by highlighting the process over outcome. Instead of only celebrating the older child’s achievements, draw attention to the effort each child puts in. For example, say, ‘I saw how hard you tried to solve that puzzle,’ rather than ‘You finished it quickly.’ This reinforces that value lies in effort, not in keeping up with someone older. 

Create Individual Goals 

Create individual goals tailored to each child. Help them see progress in their own abilities rather than in relation to a sibling. If one child is learning to read, celebrate the new words they mastered, not how close they are to their sibling’s level. When they feel recognised for their personal journey, they are less likely to see themselves as ‘behind.’ 

Manage Praise Thoughtfully 

It is also important to manage praise in front of siblings. Publicly praising one child’s achievements without balancing acknowledgment for the others can deepen feelings of inadequacy. When achievements are recognised, try to also notice strengths in others, even if in different areas, such as creativity, kindness, or patience. 

Encourage Cooperation, Not Competition 

Finally, remind your children that each family member has unique strengths that contribute to the household. Encourage cooperation by framing achievements as blessings for the family rather than trophies that create competition. Over time, this helps shift the atmosphere from rivalry to appreciation. 

Spiritual Insight 

Every Effort Is Seen and Rewarded 

Islam teaches that Allah values each person according to their deeds and intentions, not by comparison to others. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Imran (3), Verse 195: 

‘Then their Sustainer responded to them, (saying): “Indeed, I shall not let the actions of any labourer amongst you go to waste, whether they are male or female, as some of you are from others (i.e. from the same human race)…”’  

This Verse makes clear that every effort is seen and rewarded by Allah individually. Your younger children should be reminded that even if their accomplishments look smaller than their sibling’s, Allah values their effort sincerely and fully. 

Deeds Are According to Intentions 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Book 1, Hadith 1, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Deeds are according to intentions, and everyone will get what was intended.’ 

This Hadith teaches that Allah rewards based on what a person aimed for, not on whether they achieved more than someone else. For children, this means that their attempts and sincerity hold weight in the sight of Allah, even if their sibling seems to achieve more outwardly. 

By guiding your younger children to focus on their unique efforts, praising their progress, and reminding them that Allah judges each person individually, you can reduce jealousy and nurture contentment. This way, they will learn that they do not need to ‘measure up’ to their sibling but only need to strive sincerely in their own journey.