How to Mediate Fights When Your Kids Process Differently 

Parenting Perspective 

Create a Process That Respects Both Styles 

Children often have contrasting ways of dealing with emotions. One may need to speak immediately and express everything openly, while the other may withdraw and need silence to regain balance. When these two styles collide, conflict can easily escalate, leaving both children feeling unheard. Your role is to bridge this difference by creating a process where both approaches are respected. 

Pause the Situation and Reassure Both 

The first step is to pause the situation before it spirals. Tell both children that each person will be given the chance to process in their own way. To the child who talks everything out, you can say, ‘Your sibling needs some quiet first. We will talk, but after they are ready.’ To the child who shuts down, you can say, ‘I see you need space. When you are ready, I will listen to you too.’ This reassurance helps both feel their style is valid. 

Create a Safe Space for the Quieter Child 

When the quieter child is ready, create a safe space for them to speak privately before asking them to rejoin the sibling conversation. This prevents them from feeling overpowered by the more vocal child. When you bring them back together, structure the dialogue so each has a turn without interruption. Encourage the talkative child to listen and the reserved child to share even a small piece of their perspective. Over time, this teaches both that conflict resolution is not about dominating but about balancing expression and silence. 

Model Empathy 

It also helps to model empathy by repeating back what each has said. For example, ‘So you felt frustrated when your sibling ignored you,’ or, ‘You felt overwhelmed when things got loud.’ This shows each child that you understood them and teaches them to mirror that same respect. 

Differences Can Coexist Respectfully 

By consistently mediating in this way, both children learn that they do not need to change their natural emotional style to be valued. Instead, they see that family is a place where differences can co-exist respectfully. 

Spiritual Insight 

Make Peace With Fairness and Care 

Islam places great emphasis on justice and listening with fairness. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

This Verse calls us to reconciliation with fairness and care. In parenting, it means creating a process where siblings are helped to settle disputes in a way that honours each child’s needs and preserves the bond of mercy between them. 

Respect Is Essential, Even in Conflict 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 35, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The Muslim is the brother of a Muslim. He does not oppress him, nor does he abandon him, nor does he lie to him, nor does he hold him in contempt.’  

Applied to siblings, this Hadith teaches that respect is essential even in conflict. A child who speaks a lot must avoid dismissing the one who is silent, and the child who withdraws must also avoid contempt or rejection. Both must be guided towards empathy, for this is part of fulfilling their responsibility to each other as family. 

By mediating with balance and reminding your children of these principles, you show them that being understood is not about speaking the same way, but about listening with justice. This nurtures an environment where both children feel respected in their differences and learn that Allah values fairness in every interaction.