How to Handle a Fight When Both Kids Say ‘It Wasn’t Me’ 

Parenting Perspective 

They Are Seeking Reassurance, Not Just Judgement 

In moments like these, both children are not only asking for your judgement but also for your reassurance. They are seeking to know that you still value and hear them, even when they have been part of a conflict. If you rush to decide who is ‘right’ and who is ‘wrong,’ one child will almost always feel unheard, and the pattern of resentment between siblings can deepen. 

Slow the Moment Down and Listen 

A helpful approach is to start by slowing the moment down. Let each child know they will have the chance to speak. Even if you do not know exactly what happened, the act of listening carefully shows both children that their voice matters to you. You can use neutral phrases such as, ‘I want to hear from each of you, one at a time,’ instead of beginning with assumptions. 

Shift From Blame to Resolution 

When it is not possible to untangle the full truth, shift the focus from blame to resolution. For example, you might say, ‘I may not know exactly how it started, but I see you both are upset. What can we do now to move forward?’ This helps children practise problem-solving instead of competing for your approval. 

Follow Up Later to Restore Connection 

You can also follow up later in a calmer moment, reminding each child privately that you love them, and that arguments do not change that. Over time, this consistency helps them trust that your role is not about taking sides, but about guiding them towards fairness and reconciliation. 

Spiritual Insight 

Guide Them Back to Justice and Mercy 

Conflicts between siblings are not new; even in the noble Quran, Allah Almighty has recorded the story of the sons of Prophet Yaqub (peace be upon him), who struggled with jealousy and disputes. This teaches us that sibling rivalry is part of human nature, but also that parents are responsible for guiding children back to justice and mercy. 

Stand Firm in Justice 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail…’ 

This verse reminds us that fairness must not be swayed by preference or emotion. As parents, applying fairness means showing children that we do not make hasty judgements, but we listen and strive to uphold justice with balance. 

Help Your Brother, Whether Oppressor or Oppressed 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Book 46, Hadith 5, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘”Help your brother whether he is an oppressor or oppressed.” The companions asked, “O Messenger of Allah, we understand helping him if he is oppressed, but how can we help him if he is an oppressor?” The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ replied, “By preventing him from oppressing.”’  

This hadith offers guidance for your situation. Supporting a child does not mean always believing them blindly; it means helping them move away from harming others and guiding them towards fairness. When you show both children that you are present to protect their hearts, not to label them as guilty or innocent, they begin to see you as a source of justice and compassion, which is the balance Islam calls us to hold.