How to Stop Sibling Fights Without Choosing Sides 

Parenting Perspective 

They Are Seeking Reassurance, Not Just a Toy 

When siblings compete over seemingly small things, what they are often really seeking is your reassurance and sense of fairness. To them, sitting next to you or having a toy first feels like proof of being loved or valued. For a parent, this can feel exhausting because every step-in feels like choosing one over the other. 

Set Clear Structures to Reduce Competition 

The key is to avoid being pulled into taking sides each time and instead set clear structures that reduce competition. For example, you can rotate turns fairly, so each child knows when it is their time to sit next to you or hold a toy. When routines are predictable, children feel reassured without needing you to arbitrate every dispute. 

Shift From Competition to Cooperation 

Another helpful approach is to shift the focus from competition to cooperation. When your children argue, instead of rushing to solve it for them, guide them to find a solution together. You might say, ‘I hear you both want the same thing. How can we share it in a way that feels fair?’ This models problem-solving and teaches them that your love is not a prize to be fought over. 

Carve Out Moments of Individual Attention 

It is also important to carve out small moments of individual attention. Even a few minutes of focused connection with each child during the day reassures them that they are valued in their own right, which reduces rivalry. When conflicts happen, remain calm and consistent rather than showing frustration, because your response is what sets the emotional tone. 

Love Is Shared, Not Divided 

By combining structure with reassurance, you can step in without reinforcing the idea of winners and losers, teaching your children that family love is not divided but shared. 

Spiritual Insight 

Stand Firm in Justice 

Islam teaches us that justice and fairness are central to family life. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail….’  

This verse reminds us that justice is a duty that applies in all relationships, including how we guide our children. Justice does not always mean giving exactly the same, but ensuring each child feels secure and respected. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This hadith emphasises that fairness is part of our Taqwa. By setting routines that show fairness and by addressing disputes with balance, you are living this prophetic guidance. Your effort to avoid choosing sides is not weakness; it is a conscious act of justice. 

When your children see you consistently act with fairness, they learn that love is not won through rivalry but given as a mercy. This helps them feel secure in your bond and teaches them an Islamic value that will guide their relationships beyond the home.