How to Support One Child Without the Others Feeling Left Out

Parenting Perspective

Their Fear Is About Their Place in Your Heart

It is very common for children to compare the attention you give to each of them, especially when one is going through a difficult phase. What the siblings are really asking in those moments is, “Do I still matter to you as much as before?” Their concern is not that you spend time with the other child, but that they fear their own place in your heart is slipping.

Attention Shifts With Need, Not Love

The first step is to be open with your children. You can explain in simple language that sometimes one sibling needs more help for a while, just as one person in the family may need more medicine when they are ill. This helps them understand that attention shifts with need, not with love. Reassure them directly that your love is not divided, but it is expressed differently depending on what each child requires.

Create Small, Focused Moments With the Others

Consistency is also important. Even while giving extra time to the struggling child, make sure you intentionally create small, focused moments with the others. This does not need to be long. It might be a short bedtime conversation, helping them with something personal, or showing interest in their hobbies. What matters is that they feel you are still noticing them.

Praise Their Patience and Kindness

It also helps to praise their patience and kindness when they allow you to give more time to their siblings. This not only reassures them but also strengthens the idea of family support. By naming their sacrifice and appreciating it, you help them feel valued rather than overlooked.

Your Love Is Steady and Secure

Balancing needs will never be perfect, but if you continue to show warmth and follow through on even small promises of time and attention, your children will gradually trust that your love for them is steady and secure.

Spiritual Insight

Fairness Does Not Always Mean Equality

Parenting in Islam is seen as a trust from Allah, and part of that trust is recognising that fairness does not always mean equality. Each child is given a unique temperament and test, and a parent’s role is to respond to those differences with wisdom and compassion.

Make Settlement Between Your Brothers

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10:

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’

This Verse reminds us that unity and fairness require effort and reconciliation. Within the family, parents’ model this by treating each child with justice while also giving each one what they specifically need in order to feel secure.

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’

Scholars have explained that justice is to meet each child’s right appropriately, not to give the exact same thing to all. One child may need more time in hardship, while another may need encouragement and recognition. Both are forms of fairness when given sincerely.

When you reassure your other children with words, attention, and appreciation, while also supporting the one who struggles, you are fulfilling the trust of fairness that Islam requires. This balance will help your children feel loved individually and respected collectively, reducing rivalry and strengthening their sense of family connection.