How to Make Your Quiet Child Feel Seen When Another Needs You More 

Parenting Perspective 

Silence Is Not a Sign They Need Less 

Many parents face this challenge. After a long day, the child who demands the most naturally draws the most attention. The quieter child, who does not shout or argue, can easily be overlooked. Yet their silence is often not a sign that they need less, but that they need you differently. 

Be Intentional With Predictable Moments 

The first step is to become intentional with how you distribute your limited energy. Instead of waiting until the quieter child complains, make a plan for small, predictable moments with them. This could be five minutes before bedtime, during the drive to school, or while preparing a snack together. These little windows of focused attention reassure them that they matter, even if they do not compete loudly for your presence. 

Acknowledge Their Patience 

It also helps to name what you notice. You might say, ‘I see you sitting patiently, and I really appreciate that.’ Simple acknowledgements can prevent a child from feeling invisible. Over time, they learn that they are valued not only for what they do, but for who they are. 

Reward Peaceful Behaviour With Your Attention 

Another helpful step is to reduce the cycle where only loud behaviour earns your energy. If the louder child gets all of your attention when they shout, they may learn that this is the only way to be seen. Balance this by giving calm attention when both children are settled, so that peaceful behaviour is also rewarded with your time and warmth. 

Communicate Your Limits Honestly 

Finally, remember that you are human. Some evenings your energy will run low. Communicating honestly with your children, such as saying, ‘I am very tired right now, but I still want to hear about your day,’ can help them understand that your love is steady even when your energy is not. 

Spiritual Insight 

Ensure No Child Feels Overlooked 

Islam teaches that children are a trust, and part of that trust is ensuring that none of them feel overlooked. The responsibility is not to give identical amounts of time, but to make sure each child feels secure in your love. 

Render Trusts With Justice 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice; indeed, the enlightened direction to you from Allah (Almighty) is (a beneficial) endowment; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is All Hearing and All Seeing.’  

This Verse reminds us that fulfilling trusts requires fairness and attention to each person’s rights. For a parent, this includes not letting the quiet child’s needs go unnoticed. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

Justice here means seeing each child as an individual, not letting one dominate because of louder behaviour, and not allowing another to fade into silence. 

When you create small, intentional moments for the quieter child, acknowledge their patience, and remind both children that your love is constant, you are living with this principle of justice. By doing so, you reassure the quieter child that they are not invisible, and you teach the louder one that your attention is not won only through noise but through love that is shared fairly.