How to Listen So Your Child Feels Heard 

Parenting Perspective 

Give Space to Their Feelings First 

When a child says, ‘You never listen,’ it is often less about the parent’s words and more about the child not feeling understood in that moment. As a parent, the most powerful step is to pause your explanation and give space to their feelings first. Instead of immediately clarifying your actions, try reflecting back on what you hear: ‘It sounds like you felt upset when that happened,’ or ‘You wanted me to understand how important this was to you.’ When children hear their emotions repeated back, they feel seen rather than dismissed. 

Strengthen Listening Through Body Language 

Another way to strengthen listening is through body language. Turning fully towards your child, maintaining eye contact, and giving them a calm tone all show attentiveness. If you are busy or tired, it can help to say, ‘I want to hear you fully, can we talk in ten minutes when I can give you all my focus?’ This reassures your child that you value their voice. 

Balance Validation With Explanation 

After listening, you can still explain your own perspective but frame it as part of a dialogue. For example, ‘I understand you felt hurt when I said that. I was worried about your safety, and that is why I spoke firmly.’ This balance of validating their feelings and sharing your reasons models respectful conversation. Over time, consistent listening and acknowledgment will teach your child that they are not only heard but also valued. 

Spiritual Insight 

Listening Is a Form of Consultation (Shura) 

Islam teaches that listening with patience and compassion is an act of mercy. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 38: 

‘And those people that respond to (the commandments of) their Sustainer, and establish prayer, and conduct their affairs between each other through consultation, and spend (generously) from the sustenance We have provided them.’  

This Verse highlights shura (consultation), which requires truly listening to one another before making decisions. Within a family, listening is a form of shura that nurtures respect and unity. 

Practising Justice Begins at Home 

It is recorded in Jami at-Tirmidhi, Book 15, Hadith 9, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of people to Allah on the Day of Judgement and the closest to Him will be the just leader.’  

Justice begins in small, daily actions. When a parent listens fairly, without dismissing a child’s voice, they are practising justice within the home. This builds not only trust between parent and child but also brings closeness to Allah. 

By practising reflective listening and grounding your response in mercy, you show your child that their feelings matter. In turn, they will learn that true strength lies not in defending every action but in creating space for compassion and understanding. This reassurance deepens the bond and allows your child to feel fully heard.