How to Make Each Child Feel Cherished When You Love Differently 

Parenting Perspective 

Love Uniquely, Not Identically 

It is natural for children to compare how love and attention are shown, especially within the same household. What may feel like natural variety to you can be perceived by a child as unequal treatment. The key is not to treat each child identically, but to ensure each child feels uniquely and fully loved in a way that reaches their heart. 

Learn How Each Child Receives Love 

One helpful step is to learn how each child best receives love. Some children feel most cherished through physical affection like hugs, while others feel valued when time is spent with them, or when their achievements are noticed. Pay attention to the little cues your children give you about what fills their hearts and use those to guide how you express love. 

Show Visible Fairness 

At the same time, be intentional about showing visible fairness in front of your children. This does not mean every gesture has to be identical, but each child should have regular moments where they see and hear your love directed specifically at them. You can also tell your children openly that you love each of them equally, but that you sometimes express it in different ways depending on what makes them happiest. 

Model Inclusiveness and Shared Warmth 

Children also benefit when parents model inclusiveness. Simple routines, such as praising siblings in front of one another or giving shared affection before bedtime, can reinforce that love is abundant and not divided. By balancing personalised gestures with moments of shared warmth, you help them see that love is not a competition but something that grows with each relationship. 

Spiritual Insight 

Fairness Between Children Is an Obligation 

Islam provides guidance on fairness between children, especially in matters of love and treatment. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ emphasised the importance of equity. 

Fear Allah and Be Just to Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just to your children.’  

This hadith reminds parents that while expressions of love may differ, justice and fairness in affection, attention, and care are an obligation. Children should never feel that one is consistently favoured above the others. 

True Worth Is Not Based on Comparison 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 13: 

‘…Indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous...’  

This verse highlights that true worth is not based on outward appearances or comparisons, but on inner sincerity and righteousness. Applied to parenting, it shows that while expressions of love can take different forms, what matters most is the sincerity and fairness behind them. 

By being conscious of your words and gestures, you align yourself with prophetic guidance. When you reassure each child that they are equally cherished, even if your ways differ, you strengthen their emotional safety and nurture trust. In this way, your children will grow up knowing that love is not measured by comparison but by justice and consistency.