How to Balance Affection When Parenting Styles Differ 

Parenting Perspective 

Build Bridges, Do Not Force Uniformity 

It is common in families that children may feel closer to one parent because of differences in how affection is expressed. Recognising that your husband and you each have unique ways of showing love is a valuable starting point. The goal is not to force uniformity but to build bridges that help each child feel secure and connected to both parents. 

Communicate as a Couple 

Begin by openly communicating as a couple about your distinct styles of affection and the ways you each feel comfortable expressing love. This understanding helps prevent comparisons or feelings of competition, modelling unity and mutual respect for your children. 

Create Consistent, Predictable Interactions 

For your children, focus on creating consistent, predictable interactions with both parents. You might consider simple rituals such as daily check-ins, special activities, or bedtime routines that involve each parent. This regularity reassures children that both parents are available and reliable sources of comfort. 

Explain That Love Comes in Different Forms 

If one child naturally gravitates toward one style of affection, gently introduce them to the other parent’s way by explaining what love looks like in different forms. For example, if one parent is more verbal and the other more physical in their affection, explain to the child that both expressions are equally meaningful. This helps children appreciate the diversity in love rather than feeling that one style is superior. 

Support Your Partner’s Bond 

You can also support your partner in building a unique bond with the child who seems less connected to them. Encourage shared interests or activities that allow for natural interactions, rather than forcing moments of affection. Over time, these shared experiences strengthen feelings of security and trust. Importantly, monitor your own reactions and avoid expressing frustration if a child prefers one parent over the other at times. Instead, reinforce your unconditional love and availability to each child, acknowledging that emotional closeness can ebb and flow, but the foundation of care remains steady. 

Spiritual Insight 

Affection and Mercy Nurture Harmony 

The noble Quran emphasises the importance of mercy and kindness within family relationships. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verse 21: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquillity from them; and designed between you love, tolerance and kindness...’  

This verse reminds us that affection and mercy are divinely intended to nurture harmony and security in the family. 

Embody Kindness and Patience 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih, Book 13, Hadith 170, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family.’  

This teaching encourages parents to embody kindness and patience in their interactions with their children, recognising that love can be shown in various ways. Islam encourages you and your husband to see your differing expressions of love not as obstacles but as complementary blessings. By cultivating patience and intentional effort to connect through your unique styles, you uphold the prophetic example of mercy and unity. 

In this way, your children learn that love is abundant and varied, grounded in the security of a family united by faith and compassion. Balancing affection across parents is less about perfect symmetry and more about fostering a shared environment where every child feels consistently valued and emotionally safe.