How to Respond When Your Child Says ‘You Do Not Love Me’ 

Parenting Perspective 

The Statement Is Emotional, Not Literal 

When a child says, ‘You do not love me,’ it can strike deeply. It often feels personal, as if all your efforts are unseen. But beneath these words is usually not a rejection of your love; it is a sign that your child is struggling with limits and trying to make sense of big emotions. The statement is not always literal. It is emotional. It often means, ‘I feel hurt’ or ‘I do not like this boundary.’ 

They Are Learning to Separate Love From Approval 

Children, especially in their early and middle years, are still learning to separate love from approval. When they face rules or consequences, they may misinterpret them as signs of rejection. Your role is to gently guide them through this confusion while staying rooted in both empathy and clarity. 

Pause and Offer Calm Reassurance 

Begin by pausing. Resist the urge to correct or argue in the moment. Instead, offer calm reassurance: ‘I do love you, very much. That is why I have to help you learn what is right.’ This lets your child know that your love is steady, even when you are firm. 

Revisit the Moment With Gentle Curiosity 

Later, when emotions have settled, revisit the moment with gentle curiosity. Ask, ‘What made you feel that way?’ and listen without judgement. This builds emotional literacy and helps your child to name feelings more accurately next time. 

Rules Are Protection, Not Punishment 

Also, consistently communicate that rules and boundaries are a form of protection, not punishment. You might say, ‘Part of my job is to keep you safe and help you grow. That means sometimes I have to say ‘no’, even when you feel upset about it, but my love does not change.’ Over time, your child learns a powerful message: love is not withdrawn when things are hard. It stays present, patient, kind, and steady. 

Spiritual Insight 

Guidance Is an Act of Deep Care 

Islamically, love and correction are not opposites. In fact, guiding someone with sincerity is an act of deep care. 

Correcting Behaviour Is a Responsibility of Love 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahreem (66), Verse 6: 

‘O you who are believers, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire (of Jahannam) whose fuel is people and stones …’ 

This Verse reminds us that setting boundaries and correcting behaviour are part of the responsibility of love, a responsibility to nurture, to protect, and to guide. 

Parents Are Caretakers of Development 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih, Book 18, Hadith 25, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock…’  

This Hadith places parents as caretakers, not just of their children’s comfort, but of their development; spiritual, emotional, and behavioural. 

So, when your child pushes back with words like ‘You do not love me,’ your steady and compassionate response becomes part of the teaching. It affirms: ‘I love you enough to stay close, even when things are difficult.’ In doing so, you are not only setting rules. You are building trust.