How to Create Healing When You Have Not Been Present 

Parenting Perspective 

Awareness Is the First Step to Healing 

It is understandable to feel concerned about how your children may perceive your emotional presence, especially when the weight of responsibility has felt overwhelming. Your awareness of this tension is an important first step toward healing and connection. 

Create Small, Meaningful Moments of Connection 

To begin creating healing, it is essential to recognise that emotional presence is not defined by perfection or constant availability but by genuine intention and consistent effort. When possible, take out small but meaningful moments to connect with your children, whether through simple conversations, shared activities, or listening attentively to their feelings. These moments do not need to be lengthy but should be focused and free from distraction. 

Communicate Openly and Appropriately 

Communicate openly with your children in age-appropriate ways about the challenges you face. This does not mean burdening them with your struggles but rather helping them understand that your love is constant, even when circumstances make it difficult to always be emotionally present. This transparency can foster empathy and strengthen your bond. 

Model Self-Awareness and Healthy Coping 

Additionally, model emotional self-awareness and healthy coping skills. When you acknowledge your own feelings and apologise if you snap or withdraw, children learn that relationships are dynamic and forgiving. This modelling provides a foundation for emotional safety and resilience in your family. 

Focus on Ongoing Connection and Seek Support 

Remember that your children are still growing and learning how to interpret relationships. The ongoing quality of your interaction, rather than isolated moments, will shape their emotional memories. Seek support where you can, including trusted family members or community resources, to lighten your load and improve your capacity to be present. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Duty to Protect Your Family’s Wellbeing 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahreem (66), Verse 6: 

‘O you who are believers, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire (of Jahannam) whose fuel is people and stones…’ 

This verse highlights the responsibility a parent holds to safeguard the spiritual and emotional wellbeing of their family. Protection includes fostering a nurturing environment where love and healing can take root. 

The Accountability of a Shepherd 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih, Book 18, Hadith 25, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you will be asked about his flock.’  

This emphasises the accountability parents have in nurturing their children with care and attention. Islam recognises the human limitations you face but encourages continual effort to provide for your children’s holistic wellbeing. 

Healing within the family is a process of patience, intention, and sincere effort. By renewing your intention to connect and protect your children’s hearts, even amid responsibility, you align your parenting with the mercy and compassion Allah calls us to embody. This conscious striving, combined with prayer and reliance on Allah, can transform moments of difficulty into opportunities for growth and deeper connection. Your willingness to seek healing now creates a foundation that nurtures your children’s emotional safety and spiritual strength well into their future.