How to Stop Your Children From Taking You for Granted 

Parenting Perspective 

Nurturing a Home Where Gratitude Is a Lived Value 

It is deeply painful when your sacrifices go unnoticed, especially when your concern is that your children might learn to take that for granted as normal. Your worry is valid, and it reflects your desire to nurture a home where respect and gratitude are lived values, not just words. 

Make Your Sacrifices and Feelings Visible 

To break this pattern, you need to start with making your sacrifices and feelings visible in ways your children can understand and appreciate. This does not mean complaining or seeking validation in a way that creates tension, but rather modelling healthy self-respect and boundaries. When you quietly endure everything, children may miss the message that what you do is precious and deserves respect. 

Connect Your Actions With Your Care 

Begin by gently communicating with your children about what you do for them and how it benefits everyone. For example, you might say, ‘When I prepare your meals and help with your homework, it is because I love you and want the best for you.’ This helps them connect your actions with your care, rather than seeing them as obligations. 

Teach Your Children to Express Appreciation 

It is also important to teach your children to express appreciation. When they do thank you or offer kindness, acknowledge their efforts warmly. This reinforces the behaviour you want to see. Conversely, if they overlook your efforts, calmly remind them how gratitude strengthens family bonds. 

Teach by Example: Model Self-Respect 

At the same time, you must also teach by example. If other adults in the family do not show appreciation, do not let that silence your own voice or diminish your self-worth. Model self-respect by setting boundaries around your energy and time. For instance, allow yourself rest and ask for help when needed. When children observe you valuing yourself, they learn to value others, including their mother. Ultimately, breaking this pattern is not about expecting perfection from your family, but about nurturing a home culture where kindness and gratitude are part of daily life. This will shape your children’s character in a way that honours your sacrifices without needing constant reminders. 

Spiritual Insight 

Honouring Parents Is a Spiritual Duty 

Islam teaches the profound importance of honouring those who care for and nurture us, particularly mothers. This honour is not only a social expectation but a spiritual duty. 

Gratitude as an Act of Obedience to Allah 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 14: 

‘And We (Allah Almighty) have decreed upon mankind in regard to his parents; his mother carried him (in pregnancy exposing her to) weakness upon weakness; and his dependent nourishment (from her) for two years; (thus O mankind) be grateful to Me (Allah Almighty) and to your parents, and to Me is (your ultimate) destination.’  

This passage highlights the enormous sacrifice of a mother and commands gratitude not only as a social courtesy but as an act of obedience to Allah. It also connects gratitude to higher accountability, reminding us that the value of a mother’s efforts is recognised by Allah, even if it is overlooked at home. 

Paradise Lies at the Feet of Your Mother 

It is recorded in Sunan an-Nasai, Book 25, Hadith 20, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Paradise lies at the feet of your mother.’  

This means that respecting and honouring mothers is among the highest deeds in Islam, a path to spiritual reward. By nurturing your children to understand this sacred value through words, actions, and lived example, you help them grow up appreciating their mother not as someone to be taken for granted but as a blessing to be honoured. 

In breaking this pattern, you are planting seeds of respect and gratitude that will protect your family’s spiritual and emotional wellbeing. Your sacrifices are not unseen , they are valued by the Most Merciful, and through your intentional parenting, your children will come to value them too.