What is the best way to teach children the difference between keeping a friend’s harmless secret and hiding unsafe online behaviour? 

Parenting Perspective 

A child’s sense of loyalty to their friends is strong, which can create a difficult conflict when they witness unsafe online behaviour. It is crucial to give them a clear framework for distinguishing between what is private and what is dangerous. 

Distinguishing Between ‘Private’ and ‘Dangerous’ 

Explain that a harmless, private secret is something that does not cause harm to anyone. Examples include planning a surprise, sharing a funny but embarrassing story, or knowing a friend’s secret crush. An unsafe secret, however, is anything that involves threats, inappropriate images, bullying, or any situation that makes them or their friend feel scared, pressured, or uncomfortable. 

Use Practical, Clear Scenarios 

Role-play different situations to make the difference tangible. You can ask, ‘Is keeping a friend’s surprise birthday gift a secret the same as keeping quiet if that friend is being bullied in a group chat?’ This helps them understand that true friendship means protecting someone from harm, which sometimes requires telling a trusted adult. 

Frame Speaking Up as an Act of Care 

Reframe the idea of “snitching” into an act of responsibility and care. Make it clear that when they come to you about an unsafe situation, they are not getting their friend into trouble; they are helping them out of trouble. Emphasise that your home has a no-blame culture, where their honesty will always be met with help and support. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam provides a clear moral compass that prioritises righteousness and mutual protection over keeping secrets that conceal harm. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 2: 

‘…And participate with each other to promote righteousness and piety, and do not collaborate in the committal of any sin or moral transgression…’ 

This verse gives children a powerful and straightforward rule to apply. Keeping quiet about online bullying, threats, or other harmful acts is a form of cooperation in sin. Speaking up to a trusted adult to stop the harm is a clear and direct act of cooperating in righteousness and is always the correct Islamic choice. 

The very essence of our religion is based on sincerity and good counsel. 

It is recorded in Sunan An Nasai, 4200, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Religion is sincerity.‘ 

When the Prophet ﷺ was asked to whom this sincerity is owed, he included “to the leaders of the Muslims and their common folk.” This teaches children that being a sincere friend and a good Muslim means being honest and protective, especially when another person’s safety and wellbeing are at risk.