What should parents avoid saying that could make a child hide future unsafe experiences online? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child comes to you with an online problem, your first words can either build a bridge of trust or a wall of silence. Certain phrases, even if well-intentioned, can unintentionally communicate blame and fear, discouraging future honesty. 

Avoid Phrases That Imply Blame 

Instinctive questions like, ‘Why did you click on that?’ or ‘I told you not to talk to strangers!’ immediately shift the focus onto the child’s mistake. These words can make a child feel ashamed and responsible for being a victim, making them less likely to admit to similar situations in the future to avoid feeling guilty. 

Avoid Overreactions and Threats 

Reacting with visible anger or making threats like, ‘That is it, I am taking away your phone for good!’ teaches a child a dangerous lesson: honesty leads to punishment. This fear of losing privileges or facing your anger is a powerful motivator for them to hide problems rather than seek help. 

Focus on Reassurance Instead 

The most constructive response is one that is calm, validating, and supportive. Replace blame and threats with phrases that create safety, such as, ‘Thank you for having the courage to tell me. We will figure this out together’. This approach builds a secure emotional space where your child knows their honesty will be met with help, not lectures or punishment. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that the manner in which we communicate, especially when guiding others, is critical. Gentleness keeps hearts open, while harshness closes them. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 159: 

‘ So, it is by the mercy from Allah (Almighty) that you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) are lenient with them; and if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained (in your heart), they would have dispersed from around you…’ 

This verse, addressing the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, contains a universal lesson for parents. A harsh or blaming response to a child’s mistake will cause them to emotionally “disband” from you, retreating into silence. A gentle and merciful reaction, however, keeps them close and ensures the lines of communication remain open. 

The beauty of a relationship is maintained through gentle conduct. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, 1286, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Gentleness is not found in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it.‘ 

This profound teaching reminds parents that a moment of trust is a beautiful thing. Responding with harsh or blaming words disgraces that moment, making the parent-child relationship feel unsafe and fearful. A gentle, supportive response, however, beautifies the relationship and reinforces the trust that is essential for keeping children safe.