How to Protect Your Kids From Your Resentment 

Parenting Perspective 

Process Resentment Without Making Your Children Carry It 

Your awareness of this risk already shows your care for your children’s emotional wellbeing. Children form their understanding of family roles not only from what they see, but also from how they hear their parents being spoken about. If negative language about fathers becomes frequent, children may internalise it and develop a negative or unbalanced view of fatherhood. At the same time, ignoring or suppressing your own feelings is not healthy either. The balance lies in finding ways to process your resentment without making your children carry it. 

Release Frustrations With Trusted Adults 

Start by setting a boundary for yourself: the conversations where you release your frustrations should be with trusted adults, not with your children. This allows you to honour your feelings and seek support, while protecting your children from absorbing those emotions. 

Be Mindful of Your Language 

When you speak about their father in front of them, be mindful of what your children are hearing and learning. If you feel hurt by his lack of involvement, you can acknowledge it privately to yourself, but with your children, emphasise fairness. For example, you may say, ‘Daddy is resting right now, but he will spend time with you later,’ rather than framing him in generalised negative terms. This does not erase your pain, but it prevents your children from forming harmful assumptions about fathers as a whole. 

Model Calm Communication 

It is also helpful to show your children through example that disagreements or disappointments in marriage can be managed respectfully. By modelling calm communication with their father, you protect them from inheriting bitterness. Over time, this approach not only safeguards your children’s view of fathers but also strengthens your own ability to express your feelings in healthier ways. 

Spiritual Insight 

Guard Your Words and Your Heart 

Islam teaches us to guard both our words and our hearts, especially in front of children, because they absorb more than we realise. Expressing pain is valid, but it should be done in a way that does not burden the young. 

Say That Which Is Best 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 53: 

‘And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them, as indeed, Satan is the most visible enemy for mankind.’ 

This Verse highlights that words carry power, and harsh speech can create lasting discord. Choosing careful words in front of your children is an act of protection for them and for your household. 

Maintain Dignity in Your Speech 

It is recorded in Riyadh as Salihin, Book 17, Hadith 224, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A believer is not one who taunts, curses, or speaks indecently or abusively.’ 

This Hadith reminds us that even when we are hurt, maintaining dignity in speech is part of our faith. By avoiding generalised or harsh statements about fathers, you are protecting your children’s innocence while also safeguarding your own character. 

You can still honour your feelings by sharing them with Allah in Dua and by confiding in supportive adults. This way, you express your pain without passing it to your children. In doing so, you protect their view of family roles and preserve the mercy that Islam encourages between parents and children.