How to Remind Your Spouse Your Wellbeing Is Part of Parenting 

Parenting Perspective 

Your Wellbeing Is Part of Their Care 

It is very real to feel invisible when your needs are consistently pushed aside in favour of the children. While children require a lot of attention, a parent’s well-being is not separate from their care; it is part of it. A tired, depleted parent cannot offer the same level of warmth, patience, and presence as one who feels supported and noticed. 

Reframe the Issue: ‘My Wellbeing Helps Our Children’ 

One important step is to reframe the issue not as ‘me versus the children,’ but as ‘my well-being is vital for the children.’ When you raise this with your spouse, avoid framing it as a complaint. Instead, communicate the impact of it: ‘When I feel unseen, I find it harder to stay patient with the children. When you support me, it helps me parent better.’ Linking your well-being directly to the children’s benefit helps your spouse understand that your needs are not competing with theirs but are foundational to the family’s balance. 

Be Specific in What You Ask For 

It may also help to be specific in what you ask for. General statements like ‘I need more help’ can feel vague and easy to overlook. Instead, identify practical ways your spouse can share responsibility or express appreciation. For example, asking for dedicated time where you can rest while they take over the children’s routine shows a concrete path forward. Clarity helps prevent your needs being unintentionally dismissed. 

Needing Care Does Not Make You Demanding 

Above all, remind yourself that needing care does not make you weak or demanding. It makes you human, and your ability to nurture the family is directly tied to how you are nurtured in return. 

Spiritual Insight 

Marriage Is a Source of Mutual Tranquillity 

Islam recognises the importance of care and compassion within families, not only towards children but also between spouses. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verse 21: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquillity from them; and designed between you love, tolerance and kindness; indeed, in this there are Signs (of the infinite truth) for the nations that have realisation.’  

This Verse highlights that marriage is meant to be a source of tranquillity, affection, and mercy for both partners. When mercy and consideration are extended only one way, imbalance and hurt naturally follow. 

Kindness Is Shown in How You Treat Those at Home 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih, Book 13, Hadith 170, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.’  

This hadith underlines that excellence in character is shown not through public behaviour, but in how one treats those at home. Spouses are included in this circle of kindness and care. 

By reminding your spouse of this mutual responsibility, gently and without blame, you root your request in both emotional truth and spiritual guidance. Your well-being is not an optional extra in parenting; it is part of the trust Allah has placed upon your family. When both parents honour each other’s needs, children not only receive better care but also learn, for example, how to live with compassion and balance.