How to Help Your Kids See Their Father as an Emotional Anchor 

Parenting Perspective 

Children Benefit From Two Sources of Support 

It is very common for children to turn first to their mother, as she is often the one they associate with comfort and responsiveness. However, the desire for them to also feel emotionally safe with their father is an important and healthy one. Children benefit deeply from seeing both parents as sources of support. 

Create Opportunities, Do Not Force Moments 

The key here is not to force moments, but to create opportunities where the father can step into that role naturally. For example, instead of always being the first to respond when a child is upset, you could gently suggest, ‘Why do you not ask Baba to help you with this?’ Over time, small redirections can build familiarity and trust between the children and their father. 

Communicate With Your Husband Without Blame 

It also helps to communicate with your husband outside of these moments. Rather than framing it as something he is not doing, you can explain that you would love for the children to experience his emotional care as well. For instance, saying, ‘They really light up when you listen to them. It makes them feel secure,’ reinforces his importance without making him defensive. 

Step Back to Allow Him Space to Engage 

You might also step back in certain situations, even if it feels difficult. Allowing space for the father to engage, without correcting or stepping in, shows your children that you trust him with their emotional world. When children see that trust modelled, they are more likely to open up to him too. 

Encourage and Redirect, Do Not Pressure 

By approaching this with encouragement and subtle redirection rather than pressure, you create an environment where both parents can grow into being anchors for the children, each in their own way. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Balance of Mercy Is Shared 

Allah Almighty describes the foundation of family life as one built on tranquillity, mercy, and affection. He states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verse 21: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquillity from them; and designed between you love, tolerance and kindness; indeed, in this there are Signs (of the infinite truth) for the nations that have realisation.’ 

This Verse reminds us that the balance of mercy within the family is not carried by one spouse alone but is shared. Children learn about Allah’s mercy through witnessing love and emotional care from both parents. 

A Father’s Role Includes Emotional Warmth 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih, Book 13, Hadith 170, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.’  

The holy Prophet ﷺ modelled tenderness, playfulness, and emotional presence with his family. His example shows that a father’s role is not only financial provision but also emotional warmth and attentiveness. 

By inviting your husband into this Prophetic model through encouragement, appreciation, and space to engage, you are aligning your family life with the balance Allah intended. Over time, your children will come to experience both parents as sources of love, safety, and guidance, and that will strengthen their emotional foundation.