How to Stop Your Pain From Spilling Over Onto Your Kids 

Parenting Perspective 

Recognising Your Pain Is the First Step 

Feeling invisible in your own home can be one of the most painful experiences for a parent, because it strikes at both your sense of worth and your ability to give freely to your children. When your needs are consistently overlooked, it is natural to feel depleted, and that depletion can show up in your parenting in ways you do not intend. Recognising this is already an important first step, because it shows your awareness and care for how your emotions affect your children. 

Set Clear Boundaries and Communicate Your Needs 

To prevent the pain from spilling over, you need to create small but intentional ways to be seen and valued, both by others and by yourself. This starts with setting clear boundaries and communicating your needs calmly but firmly. It might mean saying, ‘I need a few minutes of quiet before I help with homework,’ or ‘I feel more supported when someone thanks me for what I have done today.’ These statements teach your family that your needs matter without placing blame. 

Build Replenishment for Yourself 

It is also important to build replenishment for yourself. Even if your family does not immediately adjust, you can choose small acts of self-care that remind you of your own worth: stepping outside for a breath of fresh air, praying slowly, or writing down one thing you value about yourself at the end of the day. When a parent models valuing themselves, children learn that emotional needs are valid and should be honoured. 

Your Child Is Not the Source of Your Invisibility 

When frustration rises, remind yourself that your child is not the source of your invisibility. They are only responding to the patterns of the household. Pausing before reacting allows you to protect their sense of safety and gives you space to release your pain in healthier ways. 

Spiritual Insight 

Every Human Being Is Honoured by Allah 

Islam acknowledges both the importance of fulfilling others’ rights and the need for a parent, especially a mother, to be treated with dignity and respect. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 70: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have honoured the descendants of Adam; and fostered them over the land and the sea; and provided sustenance for them with purified nourishment; and We gave them preferential treatment over many of those (species) We have created with special privileges.’  

This Verse reminds us that every human being is honoured by Allah, and that includes you within your home. Your needs, your voice, and your emotional well-being are part of that honour. To neglect them is not in line with the balance that Islam encourages. 

Your Own Self Has Rights Over You 

It is recorded in Jami al-Tirmidhi, Book 36, Hadith 111, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, your own self has rights over you, so give each its due right.’  

This Hadith highlights that caring for yourself is not selfish but a responsibility. By taking steps to honour your own needs, you are protecting your ability to care for your children with patience and warmth. 

When you draw strength from this balance, valuing your own rights alongside fulfilling the rights of your family, you model for your children what it means to live with dignity and compassion. In this way, you prevent your pain from becoming their burden, while teaching them that everyone in the home, including you, deserves to be seen.