How to Stay Patient When Family Criticise Instead of Help 

Parenting Perspective 

The Loneliness of Unfair Criticism 

Carrying the responsibilities of parenting largely on your own while also facing criticism from extended family can feel deeply unfair. The difficulty is not only in physical exhaustion but in the loneliness of not being supported and instead being judged. Resentment can build quickly in such circumstances because you are giving so much and receiving so little understanding in return. 

Set Gentle but Firm Boundaries 

One way to reduce weight is to set gentle but firm boundaries. If family members criticise without offering help, it can be useful to calmly redirect them by saying, ‘I appreciate your concern, but what I really need is practical support.’ This makes it clear that you value their presence but require contribution, not judgement. 

Focus on What Is Within Your Control 

It also helps to remember that your children are your immediate responsibility, not the responsibility of your extended family. This does not make their lack of support easy, but it can help you accept that their shortcomings do not define your worth as a mother. Focusing on what is within your control your routines, your children’s needs, and your own self-care can create more peace than constantly wrestling with what others should do differently. 

Build a Supportive Circle 

You may also find it helpful to build a smaller circle of support, whether through friends, fellow parents, or community groups, where understanding and empathy are exchanged freely. Feeling seen and heard in the right spaces can reduce the sting of criticism in others. 

Spiritual Insight 

Patience Is an Active Strength 

When dealing with criticism and lack of support, Islam reminds us that patience is not passive, but a form of strength and reward. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 200: 

‘O you who are believers, be patient, and be resilient, and be constant, and attain piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may be successful.’  

This Verse acknowledges that perseverance is not easy; it requires active endurance, especially in the face of others’ shortcomings. Patience here is linked with success and honour before Allah, showing that your effort is not unseen, even if people fail to recognise it. 

True Strength Is Controlling Your Responses 

It is recorded in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, Book 57, Hadith 1, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who can overpower others, but the strong one is the one who controls himself when angry.’  

This hadith is a reminder that true strength in parenting and family life lies not in silencing critics or proving yourself, but in keeping resentment from taking root. Choosing to control your responses and maintain dignity turns criticism into an opportunity to demonstrate real strength. 

By leaning on patience as an act of worship and seeking reward with Allah, you can begin to shift your focus away from resentment and towards resilience. Your effort, though unseen by some, is always noticed by Allah, who values every moment of sacrifice and self-control.