How do I handle situations where extended family members break our tech rules with my child? 

Parenting Perspective 

When extended family members allow your child more screen time than your rules permit, it can create confusion and undermine your efforts. The goal is to protect your family’s boundaries while maintaining warm and respectful relationships with relatives. 

Communicate Calmly and Early 

If you anticipate a visit, it helps to mention your family’s approach to technology in advance. A gentle, proactive comment like, ‘Just to let you know, we try to limit screen time before bed so the children can sleep well. We would really appreciate your help with this,’ can prevent awkward confrontations later. 

Acknowledge Good Intentions 

Most relatives who break the rules do so out of love or a desire to connect with your child, not malice. Acknowledge their good intentions before clarifying your boundary. For example, ‘I know you both enjoy watching shows together. Would it be possible to do that earlier in the day so their bedtime routine stays on track?’ 

Offer Alternatives 

To make it easier for relatives to honour your rules, suggest fun, tech-free alternatives they can enjoy with your child. This could include baking together, playing a board game, telling stories, or looking through old family photos. This gives them a way to connect without resorting to screens. 

By addressing the issue gently but firmly, you teach your child that family boundaries are important and worth protecting, even when it requires navigating sensitive dynamics with loved ones. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that maintaining ties of kinship is essential. However, it also encourages us to uphold the values that protect a family’s spiritual and emotional health. The key is to find a respectful balance. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 15: 

‘ And if they (the parents) argue with you on (the matter of) ascribing to anything (which amounts to  icon worshipping/paganism), other than (worshipping) Me (Allah Almighty); then (you can say to them) you do not have any knowledge (of the truth); then do not obey either of them, but keep companionship with them in this life with positivity...’ 

This verse, while in a specific context, teaches a wider principle: it is possible to hold firm to our core values while still treating family members with kindness and respect. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6077, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is not permissible for a man to forsake his brother for more than three days, each of them turning away from the other when they meet. The better of the two is the one who is the first to greet the other.’ 

This reminds us that even when boundaries are necessary, they must be maintained alongside an ongoing commitment to goodwill and connection. 

By upholding your family’s boundaries with clarity and kindness, you model for your child that it is possible to honour family relationships while protecting the values that matter most in your own home.