How do I stop my own guilt from making me defensive when my child points out my tech use? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is natural to feel a pang of guilt or embarrassment when a child points out our technology use. This guilt, however, can often trigger a defensive reaction that shuts down the very openness we want to encourage. The key is to learn to shift from reacting to reflecting, turning a potentially confrontational moment into a constructive one. 

Pause Before Responding 

The moment your child makes a comment, the most important thing you can do is pause and take a breath. This small moment creates a space between their words and your reaction, allowing you to resist the immediate urge to justify your actions and instead respond with calmness. 

Acknowledge Without Overexplaining 

A simple, direct acknowledgement is often the most powerful response. Saying, ‘You are right, I was distracted’, is far more effective than launching into a long list of reasons for why you were on your phone. Overexplaining can feel like a dismissal to a child, as if you are trying to invalidate their observation. 

Use It as a Connection Opportunity 

Try to see their comment not as criticism, but as an opportunity to connect. You can thank them for their honesty and then immediately follow up with a small, positive action. Putting your device down for a few minutes to give them your full attention shows them that their words have a positive impact. 

By responding with openness, you teach your child a vital lesson: that it is safe to express their feelings to you, even when it involves your own behaviour. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches the virtue of humility, which includes being able to accept sincere advice and correction, regardless of who it comes from. Being receptive to our children’s observations reflects both wisdom and a desire to improve. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 256: 

‘There is no compulsion in (the adoption of) the pathways of life (compliant with existential nature as created by Allah Almighty); without any doubt, the right pathways are self-explanatory (and distinctive) from the erroneous pathway…’ 

While this verse speaks of faith, it contains a universal lesson about human interaction. True change and understanding come through gentleness and clarity, not through force or defensiveness. A calm, open response is always more effective than a forceful one. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2588, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘No one humbles himself for the sake of Allah except that Allah raises him in status.’ 

This beautiful Hadith teaches us that humility is a source of honour. Having the humility to accept a fair point from our own child is not a sign of weakness, but a quality that elevates our status in the sight of Allah. 

By meeting your child’s honesty with humility, you can transform a moment that might have led to defensiveness into a powerful lesson in mutual respect and emotional growth for both of you.