How can I notice subtle signs that my child is feeling second place to my devices? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children may not always have the words to say, “You care more about your phone than you care about me,” but their behaviour will often reveal when they are feeling overlooked. Recognising these subtle signs is the first step towards protecting their trust and showing them that they always come before a screen. If these small signals are ignored, they can grow into feelings of resentment or create emotional distance. Parents can learn to notice these cues early and gently reset the balance. 

Changes in Their Behaviour 

• Withdrawal: You might notice that your child goes quiet or moves away when you pick up your phone. 

• Attention-seeking: They may suddenly begin to act out or exaggerate their behaviour in an attempt to pull your eyes away from the screen. 

• Repetition: They may repeat themselves often because they sense that you are not fully listening to them. 

Changes in Their Body Language 

Children often express their feelings through their bodies long before they can articulate them with words. Drooping shoulders, audible sighs, or hovering nearby without joining in can all be signals that they are feeling unseen or unimportant. 

Small but Significant Comments 

Phrases like, “You are always on your phone,” or “You did not hear me,” are often brushed aside by parents, but they are crucial windows into your child’s hurt. It is important to treat these remarks seriously and to respond with warmth and reassurance, not defensiveness. 

Hesitation in Their Joy 

If you notice that your child hesitates before telling you something exciting, it may be because they fear they will have to compete with your device for your attention. In these moments, pausing, putting your phone down, and giving them your full eye contact helps to rebuild their confidence. 

Create Device-Free Anchors 

You can actively protect specific times of the day, such as meals, bedtime stories, or prayer times, as sacred moments of presence. By doing so, your child will know that they never need to compete with a screen for your attention during these special times. 

By noticing these subtle cues, you can show your child that they are far more important to you than any notification. This not only strengthens your bond but also models a healthy and balanced use of technology. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us the importance of giving our full attention and respect to those we are with. This principle of being present is a way of honouring the other person and showing them that they are valued. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Abasa (80), Verses 1-2: 

‘The Prophet frowned and turned away, because there came to him the blind man…’ 

These verses, which describe an incident where the Prophet ﷺ was gently corrected for turning away from a blind man, remind us of the profound importance of giving our full attention to those who seek it, no matter how small their presence may seem. This teaches us that our children deserve the dignity of our focused presence. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 892, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not belittle any good deed, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face.’ 

If even a simple smile is counted as such a valuable deed in the sight of Allah, then giving our children our undivided attention is surely an even greater act of care and worship. By noticing when our devices are stealing that attention and actively correcting our behaviour, we teach our children that they are precious gifts from Allah Almighty, worthy of our gentleness, time, and presence.