How can I help my child see that anger is natural but must be controlled? 

Parenting Perspective 

Normalise the Feeling, Guide the Action 

Anger is one of the strongest feelings a child can experience. Many children think that anger is bad or something to hide, but the truth is that it is a normal part of being human. What matters most is how we handle it. Start by telling your child clearly, ‘It is okay to feel angry. It often means something feels unfair or hurtful. But we must use that feeling in a good way, not a harmful one.’ This helps them to feel safe enough to talk about their anger instead of bottling it up or exploding later. 

Practice and Model Calm Responses 

Talk through what happens when anger takes over, such as shouting, hitting, or saying unkind things. Use calm moments to practise short, safe steps they can take instead. Teach them to pause and use simple words: ‘I feel angry right now.’ Show them how to breathe deeply, count to ten, or squeeze a pillow. You could create a ‘calm-down spot’ at home with a soft toy or cushion where they can go when they feel anger building up. Role-play with toys or stories: ‘The bear feels angry that his friend broke his block tower. How can he calm down before he shouts?’ Share your own examples too: ‘I felt angry when I was stuck in traffic, but I took deep breaths instead of yelling.’ These real-life stories make the lesson feel true and safe. 

Praise the Effort 

Praise your child when they notice their anger rising and try to handle it calmly, even if they do not get it right every time. Remind them that controlling anger does not mean ignoring it. It means noticing it, speaking about it kindly, and choosing what to do next. Over time, your patient guidance helps them to see that they are in charge of their feelings, not the other way around. This builds self-respect and protects family bonds from harsh words or regrets. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours our feelings, including anger, but calls us to master them with wisdom and mercy. Allah Almighty praises those who hold back their anger for His sake. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.‘

This beautiful reminder shows that choosing calmness when angry is an act of goodness that earns Allah Almighty’s love. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others; the strong man is the one who controls himself when he is angry. ‘

Teach your child that shouting or hitting may feel strong in the moment, but real strength is staying calm and speaking wisely. You can guide your child to make a short Dua when they feel anger bubbling up: ‘Ya Allah, help me hold my anger and speak with gentle words.’ With your steady example and warm reminders, your child will grow to see that anger does not make them bad. Controlling it makes them stronger, more peaceful, and closer to the mercy of Allah Almighty.