How do I stop my children from bottling up feelings out of fear of being told off? 

Parenting Perspective 

Show That All Feelings Are Welcome 

Many children hide their true feelings because they fear they will get into trouble or make their parents angry. Over time, this habit of bottling up emotions can lead to sudden outbursts or a quiet sadness that never finds a voice. The first step is to show your children through daily actions that all feelings are welcome and not shameful, even when they are strong. Let them know that saying ‘I feel angry’ or ‘I feel jealous’ does not mean they will be told off. Use calm words and open questions like, ‘What happened that made you feel that way?’ instead of, ‘Why did you do that?’ 

Model Honesty and Build Trust 

If you catch yourself reacting sharply, apologise and reassure them that their feelings matter. Share small examples from your own life to show that talking about emotions brings relief. You could say, ‘When I feel worried, I like to talk about it because it helps me feel better.’ Try to notice when your children are quiet or distant and gently invite them to share without pushing. Some children find it easier to write or draw what they feel if words feel too big. Praise any effort they make to open up, no matter how small. Over time, these small moments help your children to trust that your love is steady, even when their feelings are messy. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us to be people of calm hearts and honest words. Helping children express feelings without fear is part of raising them to be truthful and emotionally healthy. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 25: 

‘…And He is fully aware of everything that you do. ‘

This verse comforts us that even when words stay hidden, Allah Almighty knows every thought and feeling in our hearts. As parents, we have the chance to help our children turn that hidden weight into honest speech and gentle solutions. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective.‘

When your children see your calm response to feelings they fear might upset you, they learn to trust you with their hearts. Teach them to make a short Dua if they feel scared to speak. A simple prayer such as, ‘Ya Allah, help me say what I feel,’ reminds them they are never alone. By replacing fear with safety, you turn your home into a place where every feeling can be shared, understood, and handled with mercy, which is pleasing to Allah Almighty.