How can I teach my child to manage anger safely? 

Parenting Perspective 

Helping Your Child Release Anger Safely 

Anger is a normal emotion, but many children with additional needs find it especially hard to express anger in a safe way. Big feelings can easily overwhelm a young mind that struggles with impulse control or self-regulation. The goal is not to stop your child from feeling angry, but to help them recognise it, release it safely and learn better ways to cope over time. 

Naming the Emotion and Providing Safe Outlets 

Start by naming the emotion for them. You might say, ‘I see you are angry. That is okay, but hitting is not okay.’ Show your child simple, safe ways to let anger out. This could be squeezing a stress ball, stomping feet in a safe spot, tearing paper or hitting a pillow instead of people or things that could break. 

Creating a Calm Corner and Modelling Calmness 

Some families find it helpful to create a calm corner at home. Fill it with soft toys, weighted blankets or sensory items that help your child feel settled when big feelings take over. Try to model calm yourself. If you shout back, it often makes the anger bigger for both of you. Use short, clear phrases and repeat them gently: ‘Breathe with me. Let us calm our body.’ 

Praise any effort your child makes to calm down, even if it seems small. When the anger has passed and they feel settled again, talk through what happened together. Save problem-solving for these calm moments, not during the heat of the outburst. 

With practice, these small steps help your child understand that anger is not something to be ashamed of, it is just a feeling they can learn to manage safely, especially when they know you are there to help them through it. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that controlling anger is a sign of strength, not weakness. The noble Quran reminds us of the virtue of those who hold back their anger: 

Allah Almighty states in Surah Al Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those who restrain anger and who pardon the people, and Allah loves the doers of good. ‘

This Ayah shows that when you help your child learn to calm their anger, you are planting seeds of goodness that will benefit them for life. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others, but the one who controls himself when he is angry. ‘

Teaching your child this Sunnah principle gives them hope that they are not ‘bad’ for feeling angry, they are learning a noble strength. Make sincere Dua that Allah Almighty grants your child calmness and grants you Sabr to guide them. Remind yourself that every calm word, every safe tool you offer, and every meltdown you hold space for is seen by Allah Almighty. Trust that your gentle effort will be rewarded, and that these moments, though exhausting, are part of building your child’s resilience, character and closeness to the One who sees all hidden struggles.