How to Shift Your Mindset to Become a More Active Parent 

Parenting Perspective 

It is understandable that you feel challenged by this expectation as you have never witnessed this before in your life. Many fathers grew up in environments where parenting was seen primarily as the mother’s responsibility, with the father providing financially but remaining distant in the day-to-day. However, children today need more than provision; they need presence. They require both parents to be available for them. Shifting your mindset begins with recognising that involvement is not about doing everything but about being consistently available in meaningful ways. 

Start Small 

You can start by taking small steps. Choose moments in the daily routine where you can be intentionally present. It may be reading a bedtime story, helping with homework, or joining in play for even a short period. When you focus on quality rather than quantity, your children experience you as engaged, and you gradually build confidence in your role. 

It also helps to view parenting as teamwork with your wife. Instead of seeing her request as criticism, see it as an invitation to build a more balanced home together. Ask her where your support would be most helpful and sustainable, then commit to those areas. Over time, your consistency will reshape how you see your role, and you will find yourself stepping into active parenting more naturally. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahreem (66), verse 6: 

‘O you who are believers, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire (of Jahannam) whose fuel is people and stones….’ 

This Verse makes clear that fathers are not only responsible for provision but also for guidance, protection, and nurturing their families’ spiritual wellbeing. Active parenting is therefore an obligation, not an optional extra. 

The Prophetic Model: Present in the Home 

It is recorded in Jami at-Tirmidhi

‘ that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ would serve his family and, when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray.  ‘

[Jami at-Tirmidhi, 37:75] 

This hadith shows that the holy Prophet ﷺ, despite his immense responsibilities, was present in the home, modelling involvement rather than distance. His leadership was not only in teaching and guiding but also in taking part in daily family life. 

By reframing your role through the prophetic example, you begin to see active parenting as an act of worship and responsibility before Allah. Every moment you invest in your children’s care, play, and moral growth becomes a deed of reward. Shifting your mindset is not about abandoning how you were raised but about aligning yourself with the prophetic standard, which balances provision, mercy, and presence. 

In this way, you not only meet your wife’s expectations but also fulfil your duty as a father in Islam, building a home where your children feel guided, safe, and loved.