How to Make Up for Lost Time Without Forcing a Bond 

Parenting Perspective 

Feeling regret over missed years is natural, but it is important to remember that parenting is a journey that evolves with every stage of a child’s life. What matters now is not the time that was lost, but the way you choose to be present moving forward. Children sense authenticity quickly, so forcing closeness or overwhelming them with sudden attention can be dangerous for the child where they would sense the forced implications. Instead, the bond should grow through steady, genuine presence. 

Start Small and Consistent 

Start small and with consistency. Share everyday moments such as mealtimes, school drop-offs, or short bedtime conversations. Even five minutes of undivided attention each day builds trust faster than occasional grand gestures. Show interest in their world by asking about their friends, activities, or hobbies, and listen attentively without correcting or interrupting. This communicates that you value who they are, not only what they achieve. 

It can also help to acknowledge the past in a simple and age-appropriate way. For example, saying, “I know I was not around as much before, but I want to be here more now,” shows honesty without overwhelming them with guilt. By pairing honesty with consistent action, you demonstrate reliability, which is the foundation of a renewed bond. Remember that connection is not measured by the length of time spent together, but by the quality of presence you bring into each interaction. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that repairing relationships and investing in mercy are both acts of worship. A parent striving to reconnect with their child is not only strengthening family ties but also fulfilling a sacred responsibility. 

A Reminder of the Cycle of Mercy 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), verses 23–24: 

‘And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably….And spread over them (your) auspices with humility and mercy; (and plead for them and) say: “O my Sustainer, have mercy (and forgiveness) on both of them, because they have nurtured me when I was a child”.’ 

This Verse highlights the cycle of mercy between parent and child. Just as parents show mercy in upbringing, children are taught to show mercy in return. By re-entering your child’s life with humility and care, you reflect this divine principle of mutual compassion. 

The Prophetic Model: True Excellence is Measured at Home 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.’ 

[Mishkat al-Masabih, 13:170] 

This hadith reminds us that true excellence is measured at home. Even if work has taken you away in the past, striving now to be the best to your family is an act that brings you closer to the prophetic example. 

By approaching your child with patience, consistency, and mercy, you can rebuild closeness without force. Over time, the bond will not only heal but also strengthen, becoming a source of comfort for both you and your child, in line with the values of Deen.