What Your Child Learns from How You Treat Their Mother 

Parenting Perspective 

What your child sees in your marriage is, in many ways, what they will come to understand about love, respect, and authority. Even more than your words, your daily treatment of their mother becomes their internal script for relationships. This can feel like a heavy responsibility, but it is also a powerful opportunity. 

Notice Inherited Patterns 

A parent who pauses to reflect on their relational habits is already breaking a cycle. Begin by noticing the patterns you may have inherited: tone, expectation, presence, or absence. Ask yourself whether those habits carry dignity and tenderness, or whether they simply repeat what felt ‘normal’ in your upbringing. 

Islamic parenting means choosing values over reflexes. A husband who speaks calmly, listens with intention, and respects his wife in public and private gives his children a living education in mercy and justice. 

What This Looks Like in Practice 

This does not require grand gestures for the child to learn the treatment with their spouse in the future. It is felt most in tone, expression, and fairness. It is seen when a father disagrees respectfully, apologises when wrong, defends his wife’s dignity in front of others, and carries out shared responsibilities at home. 

Resolve Tension Gently 

If there are moments of tension, do not hide them , resolve them gently. Children learn from seeing repair, not just from seeing calm. They need to witness that conflict does not remove love, and that a father does not lead by control, but by emotional maturity. 

Spiritual Insight 

The noble Quran outlines the tone of marital life with profound simplicity and divine clarity. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), verse 21: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquillity from them; and designed between you love, tolerance and kindness; indeed, in this there are Signs (of the infinite truth) for the nations that have realisation.’ 

Affection and mercy are not abstract values. They are expressed in everyday speech, tone, care, and patience. These are not optional extras in marriage; they are part of the divine design are essential for both the spouses in Islam. And when your child sees you live by this standard, they internalise Islam as a religion of gentleness, not domination. 

The Prophetic Model: The Benchmark of Manhood 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family.’ 

[Mishkat al-Masabih,13:170] 

The benchmark of Islamic manhood is not how loudly one leads, but how gently one lives, especially at home. So if your child watches you closely, let them witness a man whose habits honour their mother not because of culture, but because of conscious faith.