How to Show Warmth to Your Children When You Have Never Seen It 

Parenting Perspective 

When you have never witnessed healthy emotional expression growing up, it can feel like strange because that is new to you and you have never observed that practice in your own surrounding of home environment.  But the fact that you are asking this question is already a quiet act of generational repair, and your child will feel its ripple. 

Simple, Steady Acts of Presence 

Warmth does not have to be loud or poetic. It begins with simple, steady acts of presence. Making eye contact when your child speaks. Sitting beside them, even silently, during their frustration. Noticing their joy and naming it gently: ‘You looked really proud when you built that.’ 

If verbal affection feels strange then you can start with simple phrases: ‘I liked being with you today,’ or ‘I am glad you told me that.’ These statements are not emotionally overwhelming, but they offer softness and recognition, which are the basic pillars of developing warmth. 

Drafting the Blueprint 

Your challenge is not a lack of love but a lack of blueprint. When you pause and choose to respond with curiosity instead of correction, or kindness instead of control, you are drafting that blueprint in real time. It will not always feel natural, and that is not failure, it is growth. 

Let Their Responses Teach You 

Also, allow your children’s responses to teach you. When you see them soften under your gentleness or open up with consistency, take it as guidance. They are showing you what safety feels like to them. Let that feedback help you in guiding how to treat them in the future.  

You do not need to be fluent in emotional language to be emotionally available. You only need to stay willing to learn, repair, and reach again, even if awkwardly. Your availability and preparedness to learn and change will be visible to them and it would help them know that you are emotionally available for them.  

Spiritual Insight 

Islam does not elevate stoicism over softness. The emotional warmth of the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was not just incidental, it was central to his leadership as a father, grandfather, and guide. 

The Prophetic Model: Affection is Mercy 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mafrad that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ once kissed his grandson Al-Hasan. A man said, ‘I have ten children and I have never kissed any of them.’ The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ replied: 

‘He who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.‘

[Al Adab Al Mufrad, 19:10] 

This response reframes affection not as indulgence, but as mercy, a sacred practice, not a personality trait.  

A Reminder That Mercy is the Defining Spirit 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anbiyaa (21), verse 107: 

‘And We (Allah Almighty) did not send you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ), except as a mercy for the whole of the trans universal existence.’ 

This Verse reminds us that mercy is not a minor detail; it is the defining spirit of Prophethood. 

When you choose to express warmth, even without ever having seen it modelled, you are not only building emotional safety for your children. You are reviving a Sunnah of mercy, one that heals through presence, not perfection.