How to Silence the Voice That Says, ‘You Should Have Known Better’ 

Parenting Perspective 

When your inner voice says, ‘You should have known better,’ what it often means is, ‘You are not allowed to make mistakes.’ That is a heavy burden for any parent to carry, especially when parenting itself is a path of constant learning, recalibration, and human imperfection. 

This kind of internal narrative usually stems from a deep desire to get things right. But instead of offering clarity, it creates pressure, guilt, and second-guessing. It leaves no room for growth, only regret. Silencing that voice does not mean becoming careless. It means replacing harshness with honest reflection, and criticism with compassionate accountability. 

Ask Yourself Different Questions 

To begin this shift, try asking yourself different questions when things go wrong. Not ‘Why did I not know better?’ but ‘What can I learn from this?’ or ‘What did my child need that I missed?’ These are still serious questions, but they open a door to improvement instead of shame. 

Speak to Yourself as You Would a Friend 

Be mindful, too, of how you would speak to a friend in the same situation. Would you tell them they were careless? Or would you remind them of their effort and encourage a better approach next time? Speak to yourself with that same fairness. 

This does not mean letting yourself off the hook. It means holding yourself to a standard rooted in growth, not perfection. A parent who reflects, learns, and adjusts is far from careless, they are committed. That is the real strength. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamically, self-accountability (muhasabah) is encouraged, but never at the cost of despair or self-loathing. Your mistakes are not a disqualification from being a good parent, they are a sign that you are engaged, invested, and aware. 

A Divine Call to Hope 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), verse 53: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “O my servants, those of you who have transgressed against yourselves (by committing sin); do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah (Almighty); indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall forgive the entirety of your sins; indeed, He is the Most Forgiving and the Most Merciful”.’ 

This Verse is a direct refutation of the voice that tells you are unworthy because you faltered. The mercy of Allah is wider than your regret. 

The Prophetic Model: Grow from Experience 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is not stung from the same hole twice.’ 

[Sunan Ibn Majah, 36:57] 

This Hadith does not condemn the initial mistake. Instead, it teaches the believer to grow from experience, not repeat it blindly. 

So, let your inner voice evolve. Not into silence, but into wisdom. Not into passivity, but into a more balanced, merciful, and forward-looking tone. That is how you stay conscious without becoming cruel to yourself or others.