Why Is It So Hard to Forgive Myself After Apologising? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a parent apologises, it is a sign of deep integrity. The aspects which follows is often a quiet ache, a sense that the apology was not enough to erase the moment. The truth is that parenting is not about erasing mistakes but it is about growing through them. 

If you have said sorry with sincerity, you have already done something sacred: you modelled humility and accountability to your child. That seed of honesty will serve them far more than a performance of perfection ever could. 

Why Does the Guilt Linger? 

Often, it is not about that single incident, but what it awakens: all the times you wanted to do better but felt you could not. Self-forgiveness feels hard when you fear that forgiving means forgetting, or not caring enough. But that is not what it means. Forgiving yourself is how you become available again,to your child and to your own sense of wholeness. 

Notice Your Internal Voice 

To begin, notice the internal voice that tells you you are ‘bad’. Is that voice wise and helpful, or harsh and punishing? Replace its narrative with one that reflects your values: ‘I fell short, but I owned it. That is growth.’ This does not excuse future harm. It just frees you to lead from repair instead of regret. 

Self-forgiveness is not indulgence. It is a parent’s responsibility to heal so they can parent with presence again. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamically, acknowledging a wrong, seeking forgiveness, and striving not to repeat it are signs of spiritual strength, not weakness. 

A Reminder That Sincere Repentance is the Path 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), verse 135: 

‘And when those people who have committed immoral actions, or wronged themselves; (they should) remember Allah (Almighty), and then ask for forgiveness for their sins; and who can forgive their sins except Allah (Almighty), and do not intentionally continue to persist on what (wrong) you have done.’ 

This Verse highlights that sincere repentance, followed by change, is the path to spiritual redemption. Allah Almighty sees the actions performed by His people and when they regret and repent for their mistakes, it is what Allah Almighty appreciates and He forgives them.  

The Prophetic Model: The Virtue of Returning 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who commit sin are those who repent. ‘

[Sunan Ibn Majah, 37:152] 

Here, the Prophet ﷺ dismantles the myth of perfection and centres the virtue of returning, to Allah and to our values, again and again. 

Your remorse is not failure. It is part of the process of becoming the parent you aspire to become. Forgive yourself, not because the mistake was small, but because your effort to repair it was sincere. That is where growth begins.