How to Model Healthy Expression if You Never Learned It Yourself 

Parenting Perspective 

If you were raised to silence your emotions, your child’s feelings can feel confusing, even confronting. You might instinctively shut down or dismiss because that was once the only way to survive emotionally. This is not your fault, but it is your opportunity now. 

It Begins with Honesty 

Modeling healthy expression does not require mastery. It begins with honesty. You can say, ‘I am learning how to talk about my feelings, because growing up I was not taught how.’ This tells your child that struggle is not shameful, and growth is still possible. 

Start Small and Simple 

Start small and simple. Narrate what you are feeling when it is safe to do so: ‘I feel sad right now, but I know it will pass,’ or ‘I feel frustrated, so I will take a minute to breathe.’ This teaches your child that emotions are not threats, they are experiences to move through. 

When You Feel Yourself Shutting Down 

When you feel yourself shutting down, pause. Say it out loud: ‘I am finding this hard to process, so I need a quiet moment.’ You are not abandoning your child. You are showing them what emotional regulation looks like, even in process. 

Let Your Child Express Freely 

Most importantly, let your child express freely. Avoid phrases like ‘Stop crying,’ or ‘That is not a big deal.’ Instead, reflect their feeling: ‘That upset you. I understand.’ Even if you are still learning how to do this for yourself, offering it to your child plants the seed in both of you. 

You are not required to ‘fix’ your own emotional past before parenting well. You are required to show up differently in the present, gently, intentionally, and imperfectly. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam does not instruct believers to suppress emotion, but to elevate it through awareness and guidance. 

A Reminder to Meet Emotions with Moral Strength 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), verses 133–134: 

‘And compete to seek forgiveness from your Sustainer, and to the Gardens (of Paradise) the width of which (is equivalent to) the layers of trans-universal existence and the Earth; prepared for those who have attained piety. Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This Verse honours self-restraint, but not through denial. It calls us to meet our emotions with moral strength, not silence, not shame. 

The Prophetic Model: A Purification of the Heart 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘There is a piece of flesh in the body; if it becomes good, the whole body becomes good. That piece is the heart.‘

[Sahih al-Bukhari, 2:45] 

Your effort to restore emotional health is not minor. It is a spiritual effort, a purification of the heart. When you speak with emotional truth, you soften what was once hardened. That softness becomes safety, and that safety is what your child will carry into their own life.