How to Pursue Self-Growth Without Making Your Child Feel Left Behind 

Parenting Perspective 

It is possible and necessary to grow without leaving your child behind. Your desire to pursue growth is not a rejection of your child, but it is a response to the parts of yourself that need further nourishment, tending, and reclaiming. What matters is how you communicate and embody that growth in ways that are not threatening to your child’s sense of security. 

Children often interpret change through the perspective of closeness. If a parent begins investing in themselves emotionally, spiritually, or professionally, the child may fear that this change will reduce their place in your life. Your task is to reassure them by being consistently present, showing them warmth, and maintaining emotional availability, as all of this requires effort. 

Show Them That Your Growth Gives You More 

Let your child see that your growth gives you more to give. Show them that your laughter has returned, your energy is brighter, and your eyes meet theirs with more ease. These are the signs that you are becoming more present, not less. You can even name it: ‘I am learning new things so I can be the best version of myself for me, and for you.’ 

Self-growth is not selfish when it is rooted in love. It shows your child that change is allowed, that being whole is not only for adults who have ‘made it’, but for people at every age. You are modelling what it looks like to evolve with intention and compassion, without severing bonds. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, growth and striving are not pursuits of the self alone. They are forms of servitude. Our purpose is to grow in ways that bring us closer to Allah and enable us to serve others more sincerely. Parenting helps to further deepen the purpose. 

A Reminder That Growth is a Spiritual Responsibility 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ra’ad (13), verse 11: 

‘….Indeed, Allah (Almighty) does not alter (the condition) of) any nation, unless they start to make positive changes by themselves…’ 

This Verse reminds us that self-initiated growth is a spiritual responsibility. It begins with inner work and flows outward into our relationships, including how we parent. 

The Prophetic Model: Excellence is Linked to Relational Integrity 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family. ‘

[Mishkat al-Masabih, 13:170] 

This hadith links excellence to relational integrity. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never ceased to grow in his mission, yet he remained deeply present with his family. Your growth, if grounded in love and Ihsan, is not a departure from your child; it is an expansion of what you can offer them. 

By staying emotionally attuned while you pursue growth, you teach your child that love is not stagnant, and that being ‘enough’ does not mean being the only thing that fills a heart. It means being cherished, even as that heart learns to grow.