We often joke at each other’s expense in front of the kids. It feels harmless, but now our child teases people the same way. Have we normalised hurtful humour? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Unintended Lesson 

Yes, even well-intended jokes between couples can silently normalise mockery in children. While adults can grasp sarcasm or gentle teasing, children absorb tone and content without context. If a child is continually exposed to humour based on someone else’s flaws, blunders, or peculiarities, they will grow to equate laughter with belittlement and will frequently imitate it in their own social situations. What appears innocent in the moment may become a core model of how to connect: not via kindness, but through put-downs disguised as comedy. 

Shifting the Tone 

Instead of overcorrecting or becoming too serious overnight, deliberately change the tone. Allow your child to hear compliments, cheerful laughing, and mild jokes that do not involve someone as the punchline. You might even describe the shift aloud: “We are attempting to be fun without being mean, even unintentionally.” If teasing has become your shared language, look for new ways to bond as a couple, playfulness that includes everyone, not at someone’s cost. This does not imply becoming oversensitive. It means becoming emotionally aware. You are not simply breaking a habit. You are moulding your child’s perception of humour, empathy, and what it means to be secure in relationships. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a high value on the dignity of people, not only in words but also in tone, meaning, and even jest. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was known for his light-heartedness, yet never used humour to belittle or upset others, especially at home. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation … and do not insult each other; and do not call each other by (offensive) nicknames….’ 

This verse explicitly warns against cruel humour and the casual erosion of respect disguised as jokes. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2315, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Woe to the one who tells lies to make people laugh. Woe to him, woe to him. ‘

While your jokes may not be lies, the warning applies to any humour that causes harm. When you actively replace mocking with kindness, your child learns that laughter may be happy without being harsh, and that love, even in its most innocent moments, must never be at the expense of another person’s dignity.