My spouse tends to win arguments through volume or dominance, even in front of the kids. How can I protect our child from internalising unhealthy power dynamics? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Impact of Unhealthy Power Dynamics 

When one parent dominates conversations with volume, rage, or emotional pressure, while the other goes silent or withdraws, children learn that relationships are about control rather than mutual respect. Even if the issue at hand is minor, how it is resolved moulds a child’s internal design for communication, self-worth, and emotional security. Children are not only watching the disagreement. They are watching who is heard, who is suppressed, and how conflicts are addressed. Over time, children may learn to copy the prevailing manner, especially if that parent ‘wins’ more frequently, or they may withdraw into quiet, believing their voice is of little significance. 

A Strategy to Protect and Realign 

The first step in breaking this loop is to name it softly but clearly, not to the child, but to yourself and, if possible, to your partner. Power imbalances do not need to be confrontational in order to be destructive. A domineering tone, a disdainful glare, and repeated interruptions are all patterns that a child can accept as usual. When feasible, interrupt the disagreement and say something like, Let us continue this later, not in front of the children. If the situation spirals out of control, focus on the child’s emotional well-being: make calm, grounding contact with them and, if necessary, remove them from the highly charged setting. After that, assist your child debrief in an age-appropriate manner. You may remark, What you witnessed was not how we want people to treat each other. Everyone deserves to be heard respectfully. We are working on it. This realigns their inner compass and it keeps their developing conscience from accepting volume as authority. 

Spiritual Insight 

True strength in Islam is never defined by dominance, but rather by moderation, humility, and fairness, particularly during times of emotional stress. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them….and do not insult each other; and do not call each other by (offensive) nicknames….’ 

This verse refers not just to outward actions, but also to the dignity that we are expected to maintain in others, especially in the private and emotionally delicate domain of family life. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others, but the one who controls himself when angry. ‘

This completely redefines strength, not as who talks the loudest, but as who demonstrates the most self-mastery. When you quietly, even silently, fight back against dominance and teach your child that power must be used with compassion and fairness, you are sowing the seeds of justice and humility in their heart, the very characteristics that keep them emotionally entire and spiritually grounded.