How can I praise my child’s effort and not just their results? 

Parenting Perspective 

Praising the Process, Not Just the Outcome 

Praising effort rather than results is one of the most powerful ways to build your child’s internal motivation and resilience. While celebrating achievements has its place, constant focus on outcomes can unintentionally teach children that their worth is tied only to success. Instead, shift the lens towards the journey. Say things like, ‘You were really focused during that reading session,’ or ‘I loved how you kept trying even when it got tricky. That kind of patience is powerful.’ These words celebrate process, perseverance, and character, qualities that endure far beyond grades or trophies. 

Using Specific and Observant Praise 

Avoid empty affirmations such as ‘Good job’ or ‘Well done’ unless paired with specific feedback. Children benefit more from praise that reflects true observation: ‘I noticed how you asked for help when you were stuck. That shows maturity,’ or ‘You took your time to get it right—that shows commitment.’ These comments teach children that mistakes are not shameful and that trying again is part of success. 

Building Emotional Resilience 

This approach also builds emotional resilience. When a child learns that effort matters, they are less likely to give up when things get hard. They understand that growth is not always immediate, and that persistence is a sign of strength, not failure. Over time, they begin to take pride in their grit, not just in their achievements. This fosters a growth mindset, where children see challenges as opportunities to grow rather than threats to avoid. 

By focusing your praise on values such as courage, patience, honesty, and perseverance, you are also reinforcing the kind of character you want your child to carry into adulthood. It becomes clear that your approval is rooted in who they are becoming, not just in what they achieve. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, sincere effort (ijtihad) holds deep spiritual weight. It is not the outcome alone that counts, but the heart and intention behind the striving. 

Allah Almighty says in the noble Quran at Surah Al Najam (53), Verse 39: 

“And they shall be nothing (to account) for mankind except what he has undertaken. “

This verse affirms that reward is tied not to perfection, but to exertion. It teaches that our journey, marked by striving, setbacks, and sincere effort, is meaningful in the eyes of Allah Almighty. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2641, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“Actions are judged by intentions, and every person will be rewarded according to their intention. “

This Hadith beautifully complements the concept of effort-based praise. It reminds us of that effort, when made with sincerity, holds immense value, regardless of the outcome. 

When you praise your child’s effort, you are teaching them to align with one of the foundational principles of our faith: that growth, learning, and inner striving are sacred. Encourage them to make a small Dua before working, such as ‘O Allah, bless my effort and help me improve.’ This adds spiritual depth to their intention and reminds them that success begins with striving, guided by sincerity and trust in Allah Almighty. 

In this way, you nurture not only a hardworking child, but one who understands the dignity of effort as part of their Imaan.