How can I deal with academic comparisons without upsetting my child? 

Parenting Perspective 

Shifting Focus to Personal Growth 

Academic comparisons, even when made with good intentions, can deeply affect a child’s sense of self-worth. Children are incredibly perceptive, they notice when they are being measured against others, especially siblings or classmates. Such comparisons can unintentionally teach them that they are only valuable if they perform better than someone else. Instead, try shifting the focus from others to their personal growth. Say things like, ‘You have improved so much since last month,’ or ‘I love how focused you were today, even when the task was difficult.’ These affirmations help your child develop a sense of internal motivation, rather than chasing external approval. 

Celebrating Unique Strengths 

Celebrate your child’s unique strengths, whether they are creative, thoughtful, observant, or kind. Let them know that learning is not a race, but a path each person walks differently. If your child brings up another person’s grades, gently steer the conversation toward self-reflection. Ask, ‘What part of this topic do you enjoy?’ or ‘What would you like to get better at next time?’ This teaches them to measure success by effort and resilience, not rankings. 

Handling Unavoidable Comparisons with Sensitivity 

In moments where academic comparison is unavoidable such as report card discussions frame it with sensitivity. Acknowledge their feelings but never let them feel less than. When children feel secure in your love and belief in their potential, they are less likely to internalise comparison as shame. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us to honour individual effort and protect our hearts from the harm of envy and unfair judgement. Each person’s path is unique, shaped by the specific gifts and challenges Allah Almighty has chosen for them. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 84: 

Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “Each person acts according to their own temperament, so your Sustainer is fully aware as to who is the one, who (has chosen to be on) the rightly guided pathways.” 

This verse reminds us that value is not determined by visible results, but by sincerity, striving, and Divine guidance. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2536a, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

“Do not envy one another, do not hate one another, do not turn away from one another, and do not undercut one another, but be, O servants of Allah, brothers. “

This Hadith offers more than social etiquette; it is a foundation for emotional wellbeing. When you teach your child to honour their journey without comparison, you are nurturing humility, inner peace, and genuine gratitude. 

Encourage your child to make Dua not only for their own success, but also for the success of others. Say together, ‘Ya Allah, grant us understanding, effort, and contentment.’ This practice removes jealousy from the heart and replaces it with Barakah. In doing so, your child learns that their worth is defined not by beating others, but by staying sincere, improving steadily, and trusting in Allah Almighty’s plan for them. This is how we raise not just students, but grateful souls.