How can I show my child love even while encouraging them to do well? 

Parenting Perspective 

Making Love Unconditional 

Children thrive when they know that love is not something they have to earn. In today’s results-driven world, it can be easy to unintentionally link affection with achievement. However, your child needs to feel, deeply and consistently, that they are loved for who they are, not for how they perform. Offer regular verbal reassurances such as, ‘I love you no matter what. That never changes.’ These words are not just comforting; they are emotionally anchoring. They teach your child that their worth is never up for negotiation. 

Focusing on Effort, Not Outcome 

When offering encouragement, focus on effort and resilience, not outcome. Say, ‘I saw how hard you worked on that assignment,’ or ‘I am proud of how you kept trying even when it was tough.’ Avoid phrases that suggest disappointment in results, such as, ‘You could have done better,’ or ‘Why did you get this question wrong?’ These comments may seem minor, but they can quietly erode your child’s sense of security. Children should never have to question whether they are still loved after a mistake or a low score. 

Encouragement as Support, Not Pressure 

Encouragement should feel like support, not pressure. Create an atmosphere where growth is praised, setbacks are normalised, and learning is a journey. When children feel emotionally safe, they become more open to trying, failing, and trying again. This is the heart of perseverance, and it blossoms only when love remains steady. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that love is not only a blessing, but a reflection of Divine mercy. Encouraging a child while affirming love mirrors the Prophetic balance of Rahmah (compassion) and Hikmah (wisdom). 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Maryam (19), Verse 96: 

“Indeed, those people who have believed, and have undertaken virtuous actions; the One Who is Most Beneficent shall designate for them, His absolute affection. “

This verse teaches that love is not only human, but also Divinely placed in the hearts of those who walk with sincerity. By nurturing your child with both tenderness and encouragement, you participate in that Divine flow of mercy. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 45a, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

“None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. “

This Hadith, though often applied to communal love, is equally profound in the parenting context. It reminds us that to truly embody Imaan is to want for our children the same emotional safety and confidence we wish for ourselves. Encouraging your child’s potential should never come at the cost of their emotional wellbeing. Instead, it should reflect the balance Islam values, between justice and mercy, growth and gentleness. 

When your child knows that your love is not dependent on their success, they will carry a stronger heart into every challenge. They will understand that Allah Almighty is loving, their home is safe, and their journey matters, regardless of the marks along the way.