How to Make Space for Each Other’s Exhaustion 

Parenting Perspective 

Personal failure is not the result of exhaustion. It is the shared ground of two individuals who are raising a child in a world that rarely ceases to enquire about the well-being of either of them. Nevertheless, a subtle resentment can develop when both partners are exhausted, and the silent noise of ‘Why am I still the one holding it all?’ can be heard even during the most cordial of conversations. 

In these moments of parallel burnout, it is imperative that couples cease their pursuit of ideal balance and instead focus on mutual compassion. 

When Both of You Are Tired, Who Takes Over? 

Sometimes no one can take over and it is okay. Trying to constantly out-perform or ‘compensate’ for each other’s tiredness leads to frustration, not relief. Instead, try to: 

• Name the exhaustion out loud. Saying ‘I am on edge and need to lie down’ or ‘Today has worn me out emotionally’ invites empathy rather than silent expectations. It is not a weakness. It is a boundary. 

• Use micro-check-ins, not scorekeeping. Instead of tallying who did more, create moments like: ‘Do you want me to handle bedtime or should we order in and both skip dinner duty?’ These moments say: ‘I see you. I am tired too. Let us figure this out together.’ 

• Let go of performing resilience. Trying to hide your exhaustion does not make you a stronger partner. It makes it harder for your spouse to be real with theirs. Vulnerability creates emotional permission. 

• Find neutral ground: ‘Neither of us can, so what can we release?’ Sometimes the answer is to lower expectations together; let the dishes sit, accept screen time, cancel the social visit, and create a gentler night for both. 

This is not about fixing exhaustion. It is about making space for it. The goal is not always to rescue each other. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is say: ‘I cannot take it all from you, but I will not add more to you either.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Inshirah (94), verses 5–6: 

“Thus with every hardship there is facilitation. Indeed, with every hardship there is facilitation.” 

This repetition is not accidental. It is divine reassurance that hardship does not exist in isolation. With every stretch of exhaustion, Allah Almighty has already paired it with moments of relief even if that relief is simply the comfort of being seen and understood by the one closest to you. 

The Prophetic Model: Relieving a Believer’s Distress 

It is recorded in Musnad Ahmad that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“Whoever relieves a believer’s distress, Allah will relieve his distress on the Day of Resurrection.” 

[Musnad Ahmad, 23968] 

It is possible that you and your spouse may not always be able to completely bear each other’s burdens. However, the act of establishing a space in which exhaustion is permitted, without humiliation or punishment, is a gesture of mercy. The One who sees all has recorded each act of mercy between you. 

Let the home you construct together be a place where relief is not demanded, but rather tenderly extended. In the eyes of Allah Almighty, even a modest act of grace can have an eternal reverberation, despite one’s own fatigue.