How to Create Softness When You Are Parenting in Survival Mode 

Parenting Perspective 

When both parents are in survival mode; physically tired, emotionally spent, barely keeping up then softness can feel like a luxury. You are not choosing coldness or chaos. You are just trying to make it through the day. In between this blur of responsibilities, one quiet question lingers which arises is that what is my child absorbing from this environment? 

Softness is about presence, even if only in moments. One warm glance, or kind tone, a gentle response when everything inside you wants to snap. Children do not need a perfect atmosphere. They need small, repeated signals that love still lives here, even in exhaustion. 

Practical Ways to Introduce Softness During Survival Mode 

• Lower your voice, not your boundaries. Instead of enforcing with frustration, try steady calm by acknowledging that you can see them upset and we can figure that out together. This can dramatically shift the emotional climate, even during discipline. 

• Anchor the day with a soft ritual. It can be as small as rubbing their back for 30 seconds before sleep, or saying ‘Alhamdulillah, we made it through today’ together before dinner. These mini-moments offer children security and emotional rhythm. 

• Let physical closeness do the talking. If your words are worn out, sit beside them while they play, run your fingers through their hair, or hold their hand during a quiet task. Touch is often the fastest path to connection when emotional energy is low. 

• Say what you are trying, not just what you are failing. Saying ‘Mum and Dad are tired, but we love you deeply and we are trying our best’ makes your effort visible and protects the child’s emotional landscape. 

The goal is not to create a soft house, but a soft moment which reminds the child and yourselves that love is still present, even when joy feels far away. Small gestures, repeated with sincerity, build a home where survival does not harden the spirit. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anbiyaa (21), verse 107: 

“And We (Allah Almighty) did not send you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ), except as a mercy for the whole of the trans-universal existence.” 

The entire Prophetic legacy is rooted in Rahmah, mercy, gentleness, and emotional presence. If the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was sent as mercy to the worlds, then surely our homes must reflect a portion of that mercy, even in hardship. 

The Prophetic Model: Choosing Gentleness 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young and respect to our elders.” 
[Sunan Ibn Majah, 3672] 

Mercy is not softness in easy times; it is choosing gentleness even when the day has emptied you. It is looking at your child and choosing tenderness, even if all you can manage is a soft tone or a silent Dua. 

When you are both in survival mode, do not chase perfection. Chase presence. One sincere smile, one unhurried hug, one pause before reacting as all of it counts. Not just in your child’s memory, but in your scales with Allah Almighty. That is softness and that is success.