I disciplined my child harshly and now they avoid me. How do I repair the relationship without undermining the correction? 

Parenting Perspective 

Acknowledging the Rupture 

A child may experience feelings of emotional distance, humiliation, or insecurity when discipline becomes excessively harsh, whether through physical assault, shouting, or emotionally charged language. Restoring the relationship does not entail rescinding the correction; rather, it necessitates recognising that the manner of expression can be as significant as the content conveyed. Commence by engaging your child with gentleness and an absence of defensiveness. You may assert, I was excessively severe previously. I felt distressed, although I ought not to have communicated in that way. I apologise. This does not constitute a weakness. It exemplifies accountability. You are not eliminating the lesson; you are reinstating trust. Children do not lose respect for parents who offer genuine apologies. They acquire it. 

Rebuilding Trust and Safety 

Provide reassurance: I addressed your behaviour because it was inappropriate, but my love for you remains unwavering. I never wish for you to feel undesired solely due to an error you committed. This assists your child in distinguishing their identity from their actions, which is essential for robust emotional development. Observe their nonverbal cues. Certain children require time to re-engage. Others may weep or become emotionally vulnerable once the gateway to connection is established. Do not hasten them. The emotional tension that was created by that moment of harshness will be tenderly undone by your consistent warmth in the days that follow, such as sharing a story, making them laugh, and acknowledging their small accomplishments. 

Introspection for Future Growth 

Reassess the initial problem when the situation is tranquil. Reiterate the boundary: You must continue to communicate with respect, and that will remain unchanged. However, in the future, I will increase my assistance to you in understanding it. This maintains the framework while avoiding emotional error. Finally, engage in introspection. What prompted you to exceed your boundaries? Exhaustion? Fury? A sensation of being undervalued? Recognising the underlying cause facilitates the development of improved disciplinary habits in the future, ensuring that your child retains the lesson rather than the disruption. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, parents hold a significant status, although they are not granted unrestricted authority to discipline as they like. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ exhibited no harshness towards children. He corrected with composed sagacity and genuine compassion. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aal-i-Imran (3), Verse 159: 

“And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. “

This verse underscores that truth diminishes impact when conveyed without kindness. If this pertains to the companions of the holy Prophet ﷺ, it undoubtedly applies to our children. It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3689, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“Verily, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters.” 

Rectifying harshness does not constitute a betrayal of correction. It signifies a resurgence of prophetic parenting. It conveys to your child that discipline is not synonymous with punishment; rather, it embodies care. Upon witnessing it, individuals will engage with their hearts rather than only out of fear.