How do I adjust discipline when one child is emotionally sensitive and the other is very defiant, but they are close in age? 

Parenting Perspective 

Adapting Your Approach 

Discipline is not one-size-fits-all, especially when siblings are close in age yet have opposing temperaments. An emotionally sensitive child may experience profound distress from even little corrections, but a defiant child may audaciously challenge limitations and require more stringent boundaries. 

Upholding Universal Principles 

It is essential to uphold consistent standards while adapting your approach according to the child’s emotional disposition. Commence by explicitly delineating universal familial principles: respect, honesty, prohibition of physical aggression, etc. These factors stay constant for all children, irrespective of disposition. The enforcement methods should vary. The sensitive child may gain from a discreet remark, soft guidance, or a contemplative dialogue. Severity may result in withdrawal or anxiety. The obstinate child, however, may require a stern tone, explicit consequences, and little room for bargaining once a decision is rendered. Refrain from making comparisons among the children. Refrain from using expressions such as Why cannot you emulate your brother? This fosters uneasiness and competition. Recognise distinctions: Each of you possesses unique qualities, and I will direct you in a manner that fosters your optimal development. 

Private Correction and Tailored Consequences 

Implement natural consequences, tailored to the individual needs of each child. If both exhibit misconduct, the obstinate child may require the forfeiture of a privilege, whilst the sensitive child may need to apologise or rectify the situation, without imposing excessive emotional burden. Establish a confidential link. Address each child’s errors individually, avoiding correction in the presence of their sibling. This maintains dignity and averts triangulation. State: Let us converse in your chamber or We shall resolve this matter privately. Modifying discipline in this manner does not imply that you are being unjust. It signifies that you are exercising wisdom. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam venerates the unique essence of each soul. Among the companions of the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, diverse personalities were directed in various manners, although all adhered to the same principles. The objective is not to treat all children uniformly, but to direct each one towards Allah with sagacity and empathy. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Taha (20), Verse 50: 

“[Moses] said, ‘Our Lord is He who gave each thing its form and then guided [it].’ “

This verse emphasises that every entity is distinctly fashioned and directed in accordance with its inherent character. It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3689, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“Verily, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters. “

Gentleness does not equate to frailty. It signifies the meticulous application of discipline, particularly in the context of sensitive individuals. By modifying your approach while maintaining steadfast principles, you establish an environment where both the compassionate and the resolute feel acknowledged — and both acquire the discipline to navigate their journey not via intimidation, but by equity and trust.